Seeing someone after separation, but not divorced - do I tell STBX?

[Separatednotdivorced]

Have NC'd for this as it's potentially outing.

I separated from H 14 months ago, and we stayed in the family home (separate bedrooms) for the children (5 and 7). I moved into my own place at the beginning of this year. I've been seeing someone while we've been separated, and it's serious.

Do I tell H about it? We haven't started divorce proceedings yet, mainly because of financial issues, but I really want to.

WWYD?

Why? What you do is none of his business.

It’s none of his business. I never told STBXH

No need to tell him that you're seeing someone unless and until you're going to tell the kids about him (they may have questions, and so their Dad certainly needs to know that the guy exists if the kids know). Or that person is going to meet / be involved with the kids. Which, hopefully, you would wait much, much longer for anyway, given the huge upheaval they've had in their lives.

Does the fact that we're not actually officially divorced mean anything?
Plus, we live in a small town, and although me and current DP try and stay under the radar, we may well be seen together by a mutual friend who might tell STBX.

Would you want to know if your ex was seeing someone?

Not being divorced doesn't change anything. Your husband could use adultery as grounds for divorce (the fact you are with someone else is evidence of irreconcilable differences). But that doesn't mean anything these days in terms of affecting the financial settlement.

I think the only issue is moving someone in the family home with a Mescher order but that doesn't apply here.

So really it's nine of his business and entirely up to you if you tell him.

@Sculpin - yes, probably - not from a jealousy point of view, but I'd actually be happy that he was moving on with his life, so I suppose it would alleviate whatever misplaced guilt I'm feeling about moving on myself.
@SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad - the difficulty is that my kids go to the same school as his kids, so they sort of know him already, albeit not as my partner. How long is an appropriate time before they're introduced? His kids (and exW) are aware of me and fine with it.

Ok technically it’s adultery but that doesn’t really change anything. You won’t get less in the divorce because of it. My current partner and l met when l was still married but l had split from my husband and started divorcing him. We used to laugh about our illicit relationship despite the fact we started dating after my husband and l split up. My ex started dating one of my friends (in reality l think he was cheating with her before we split up) and is now married to her.

Nope. Your romantic life is no longer any of his business.

I did, just so he didn't hear it from someone else & use it as a another reason to yell at me...

The reason he was my STBX at the time was he'd cheated on me and was then living with the OW, so he wouldn't have had a leg to stand on.

I think it depends how amicable you are and how likely he'd be to use your new relationship against you. Only you know that...

We are quite amicable at the moment, and doing really well at co-parenting 50-50. I guess I'm worried that it will rock the boat and it will affect the kids negatively - but I also want to be honest, and not have him find out from someone else.