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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know what to do...

7 replies

an1997 · 26/04/2019 08:59

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a couple of years now, we're young and had a baby together last year. We broke up just before I had him but got back together when he was around 4 months. We broke up due to him being argumentative, aggressive and just plain nasty sometimes I found him really draining and hard work and we rarely had any happy times. It was all going so well and then all of a sudden I feel he has gone back to his old ways. We've been arguing most nights about really stupid stuff, he's always so negative and moody and horrible to be around. We do still have some fun and happy moments but I can tell that they are becoming lessened. Part of me knows deep down that we just don't work but I can't help but want to fight for it. He's the father of my child and I feel like without him a lot of my opportunities are taken. I'm on benefits and with his financial help I'd be able to get off of them sooner rather than later, his job requires you to move sometimes which could give us all a better quality of life, something that I can't give myself or my son for a very long time. I just feel so stuck and unhappy 😔

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 26/04/2019 09:03

No.

You've given it a second chance and he's back being the way he was before. It sounds like his default. He'll probably be even worse if you have another child.

If you travel/move with him you'll probably be even more isolated and dependant on him.

You'll be off benefits sooner or later, there nothing that flies like time.

bluebell34567 · 26/04/2019 09:04

sorry for your situation.
when you have a baby relationships can get strained.
but you have to have boundaries for his nastiness.

Moralitym1n1 · 26/04/2019 09:05

It will fly by and you'll have more and more opportunity to work while your child's in preschool, then school. Enjoy the time with them now. If goes by in the blink of an eye and they develop and change do quickly.

It sounds like he's making you miserable (it sounds like he'd make anyone miserable).

Moralitym1n1 · 26/04/2019 09:06

Do you have any family help?

lifebegins50 · 26/04/2019 09:10

You can definitely rebuild a life without him.

It is likely because the relationship is bad that your confidence has gone, it is very common for that to happen. Take the solo step now and be confident that your future will be brighter. It will be alright, being a single parent is definitely easier and more enjoyable than being in a bad relationship.

an1997 · 26/04/2019 09:11

@bluebell34567 yes you're so right about the boundaries. I always try to say that if we argue again or he says stuff like that again then we are over but it just never seems to actually be followed through. He's my first love I can't help but feel he has some sort of hold on me.

OP posts:
an1997 · 26/04/2019 09:12

@Moralitym1n1 yes, I have an amazing family especially my mum. However she's starting a university course in September and will be away a lot. I was hoping to not have to rely on my family so much as I keep feeling like a burden.

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