Pregnant & not married - what should be sorted legally?

[Burru]

One of my best friends is pregnant with her first, her DP doesn’t believe in marriage. I don’t have a terribly high opinion of him anyway (I keep that to myself!), we’re close enough for me to suggest she makes sure she’s sorted out next of kin etc. but other than that I couldn’t think of any other legal stuff she should get sorted.

Could anyone point out what to do to get similar protection to marriage? It’s often said on these threads but I can’t seem to find anything specific.

We’re in Scotland if that makes a difference?

Next of Kin doesn't really mean much legally outside marriage.

After the birth, both parents will need to attend to register the birth and sign the birth certificate. (If married, only one would need to and both could be named)

Do they own property together? Rent as joint tenants?

By the way the only "protection similar to marriage" is marriage.

Ullupullu - yup that’s true!

They rent as joint tenants, she is saving for a house deposit.

Does she earn as much as him and will she go back to work full time?
The risk is that if they buy a property together and she then takes a big income hit by going part time, if they split in future she will be financially disadvantaged as they would split assets without taking that into consideration.

Why are you getting so involved? Has she asked you to?

I’m not going to butt in with my friend, so much as it’s so often spouted on here for women to make sure they’ve got the legal side sorted without actually specifying what these means. I think it’s important for all women to know exactly what is protected by marriage, and more pertinently what can’t be covered by any other form of legal action if you’re not married.

I’m not trying to gloat about my friend - far from it, I'm genuinely concerned that she’s not aware of the implications of not being married.

I really do wish there was civil partnership for heterosexual couples to avoid all this.

She needs to read up on the difference between marriage and cohabiting, then she can decide which mitigations she wishes o see in place.

Nothing duplicates marriage - wills and pension beneficiaries can be changed at the stroke of a pen - so the big question she needs to settle is her appetite for financial risk, which can be mitigated by returning to work full time after maternity leave.

NOK is a fairly nebulous concept in UK - would only be a problem if his family wanted to cut you out for some reason when he was in extremis, in theory they could do this. It might be different if you moved abroad (depending on where)

Do get her to consider being traditional - I'm not hugely big on tradition for the sake of it - but I think the one which means babies get their monther's surname (which matches the father if married) is a good one.

The nearest thing to a civil partnership is a very basic civil ceremony at a registry office. Two witnesses, say the lines, sign the certificate, done. Protects them both legally.

Opening up civil partnerships to heterosexual couples was agreed by the government last October. I thought it was meant to have happened by now (due for April, wasn't it?)

Steer your friend to MN - there's a whole info page here on the differences, and then she can work out what's important to her and whether anything can be done about it, and how durable those measures are in event of death and enduring sickness or other changes to capacity, as well as separation (no-one ever expects they will separate or if that does happen that theirs would be the acrimonious one; but she needs to plan for that scenario too)

If she isn't already then suggest the child has her surname.

She defo needs to read up in stuff howevet do bear in mind thar if she has more assets and is the higher earner it's probably better for her not to marry him. If anything were to happen to her everything goes to her child who is her next of kin.

CP for straight couples is coming in soon enough, though I expect plenty of the blokes who don't believe in marriage but do like a model that means they get all the benefits of a female partner with none of the legal responsibilities of marriage will have a reason why they won't do that either. But she should certainly mention it to him.

Things to do: not give the child his name, or at least make sure hers is there too. It is her decision not his, due to them not being married. He doesn't have parental responsibility unless they both agree to put him on the birth certificate. They will need to discuss what they want to do about that. He also won't have parental responsibility until he is named on the birth certificate, and there isn't any way round that.

She should keep her savings separate and go back to work. This is because if they were to separate, contributions made by a lower/non-earning spouse can be considered as part of a financial settlement in divorce but not unmarried cohabitation. Although it sounds like there aren't that many assets anyway, so I also presume IHT wouldn't be a concern right now.

Next of kin, doesn't have official status in UK law. They'll probably be ok tbh, the horror stories of unmarried partners being excluded from bedsides etc aren't really a problem here anymore.

Tell her not to give up her job and, if they are putting different sums into the house they will buy to draw up a quantification of shares agreement first (joint tenancy doesn’t mean an equal split in unmarried couples if they have put in unequal sums).

May 26th 2019 heterosexual couples can get a civil partnership.

If they're not married or connected financially (legally) then the best advise is not to reduce her earning potential (ie don't give up work or reduce hours significantly).

There’s no such thing as next of kin in Scots or English law. If either has pension or death in service benefits, name the partner as the beneficiary (although these are usual discretionary so they may get it either way). Once they’ve bought a house, they could put a “survivorship” destination in to make sure that the other party automatically inherits.

Broadly marriage gives you the right to claim part of your spouses assets on divorce and they yours. Also there are inheritance tax (doesn’t apply to most people who don’t leave anywhere near the limit which would make them liable for iht anyway) benefits and you would automatically inherit if there is no will (and get a third of non land assets if there is a will). There is a lot of nonsense and misinformation on mn about marriage though- it’s absolutely not true that you can’t change your will if you’re married and can leave your property to whoever you like, married or not (certain rights of both spouse and children in Scotland to non land assets though).

I didn’t marry my dds father. I am a lot better off financially as a result as he was (and is) the lower earner and had fewer assets. So marriage isn’t always beneficial to women.

Also why on earth are women- married or not- erasing their name from the next generation. Give your child your name anyway sisters. Don’t see it as some sort of punishment for your man not marrying you.