Is it me or is it him?

[Cherrygirl3]

Been seeing someone for over 18 months. Had our ups and downs during that time, but for the last 5 months things have been great. Then, suddenly, about 12 days ago......nothing. Just nothing. No texts, no contact.

I messaged him last Saturday after 7 days of not hearing anything. He quickly messaged back saying he was unwell. I replied, fine, but let me know these things and then I won't feel bad. Said I hoped he'd feel better soon. Then, nothing.

Just messaged again half an hour ago, telling him I cant do this
anymore. Nothing!

I feel rubbish. So so hurt. Humiliated. Help??

He’s a waste of your time, let him go.

Ugh, that's very rude.

I'd probably send one final message saying "If you've got something heavy going on then I understand you're prioritising that, but a simple "hey I'll contact you when I can" message would be the polite thing to do you clueless wanker "

If he doesn't respond within 48 hours then I'd change his contact name to "Cunty McFuckface" and/or block him.

Equality, I know. I just feel sad and used. How can someone do that to another person after all that time. What a waste. Easier said than done to let go without so much of an explanation.

I think I've hung on as I'm very fussy about men and never meet anyone I even remotely fancy. He's the only guy I've felt that spark with in years.

You waited 7 days to message him?

I would need to see him and have it out with him. That's disgusting behaviour from someone you've been with for 18 months!

FuriousVexation, you've made me laugh at least. Thanks for putting it in perspective for me. Think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight. miss him but am so angry that he is showing me such little consideration, I certainly don't deserve to be treated this way.

Category12, yes, I waited 7 days as after a row we had over his lack of communication last year I vowed I would never message him first ever again (we discussed this) and he's been brilliant for months. Then it stopped.....suddenly.

Together 3 yrs, we had a row 3 months ago, got home from work and he'd packed his stuff and left. Not heard from him since. He often used silent treatment when he was mad and I'd get pissed off and contact him. Not this time, take the silence as closure. It's shit, I know but he's showing you who he is. Grieve, then move on with your life.

Sorry, but if in 18 months you'd had such ups and downs and had come to a position where you'd decided never to message him first again, then it was never going to work.

It shouldn't be that hard. Really, you shouldn't have to go to such lengths to make something work. I know it's difficult to draw a line when you like someone, but he'd shown you earlier on who he was. I hope if he does reappear, you don't give him any more chances.

He really isnt the man for you

What ups and downs have you had?

Hmm. How ill was he? Do you know what's wrong with him? I have to say you turned his message that he was unwell into being all about you and your needs. It doesn't appear you engaged in any way about his health other than to tell him to get better soon?

Normally if someone tells you they are unwell, you respond with oh what's wrong, is there anything I can do, not, next time tell me and get well soon,

@Cherrygirl3 this sounds really the toxic, the whole dance over messaging. Could you not have phoned or popped by after seven days????

Either way, you're better off without him but try a healthier communication style in next relationship?

Oh come on, Bluntness, she hadn't heard anything from him for seven days. Unless he was in a fricken coma, there's no reason for that. And clearly he has form for vanishing / upsetting lack of contact, given op's prior decision not to message him first.

Also: I replied, fine, but let me know these things and then I won't feel bad. Said I hoped he'd feel better soon.

Respond with oh what's wrong, is there anything I can do, not, next time tell me and get well soon

There isn't a helluva lot of difference between what you suggest she should have said and what she said.

Looks like you've been ghosted. He wants to split but is too much of a coward to say so.

I really don’t think you should be having ups & downs after only 18 months together. It’s still very much in the getting to know each other stages.

And he’s shown you what he is. A wanker.

Bluntness100, I know only too well about his illnesses, He's often ill. I know much about his various conditions, some real, some imagined.

I messaged him yesterday morning, now he's saying he thought he was ill but wasn't sure?? He got angry with me in a passive/agressive sort of way. It was and always has been, all about him. I have had a few difficulties in my life of late, he was not interested in the least in hearing anything about them.

He is gone. I ended it. I was sad yesterday but now I realise how self absorbed he is, was.

Gosh he sound like a douche bag 18 months? What a complete waste of time, reminds me of why I'm single.