We’ve been together 15 years and have 2 children aged 10 and 4 (almost 11 and almost 5, so come September it will be all change when one starts senior school and one starts primary school).
We admittedly have differing parenting styles. I like a routine and that if I don’t want them doing or having something then that’s the way it should be. I always explain why and if it’s just me at home they accept it and move on. My husband is more laid back, probably because he works full time and doesn’t want to upset them by saying no and having the little time he has with them “tainted”.
This is where the problems lie though. They play us off each other and if I try to discipline them they say “my dads going to hear about this” then tell tales which creates arguments. And often if I say no to something they wait till I’m at work (part time) and then ask their dad who gives them stuff. Which again causes an argument.
We just find now we are arguing all the time about parenting, about money (He put the deposit down on our home and pays the mortgage and this gets chucked at me. He also says I don’t work enough to bring money in. But with a preschool and primary aged child if I worked full time the money I’d have to pay out in childcare would take any extra money and probably more than I earn) and he always throws in my face he pays for holidays, treats etc and that I never have money. And his mum had to bail me out of some debt when he wouldn’t because “you got yourself into this mess”
We even argue about sex. I said there is no affection whatsoever and he said “I can’t be bothered any more” and refuses a vasectomy even though he said he doesn’t want any more children and when I challenged him on why he won’t do it then he said “what if things change for us in the future” which I take to mean he doesn’t want more with me but would have more with someone else.
He’s said some pretty hurtful things over the years. One particularly which still hurts and can’t say exactly what as it may be outing if I have friends on here but it was on the lines of a parent abandoning me due to my personality, and when his dad called me fat the other day he agreed with him!
The thing is, when it’s going really well it’s great. But when it’s shit it’s shit. We seem to go in circles every 2 - 3 months and I feel so low and shit when it’s at its worst. He’s a fab dad and would do anything for the children but at most I feel he’s tolerating me, and perhaps he’s just lost all motivation but he’s waiting me to call time on the relationship so he’s not the bad guy. I certainly don’t feel loved and respected like I should. Yet the thought of being without him terrifies me. I’ve only ever had him as we got together when I was just 17 and him 18.
I’m flogging a dead horse here aren't I?!