Struggling to help our teen

[GlossyTaco]

I'm a sahp to a toddler , my husband works ft and we have a 10 yo and an 18 yo.

The eldest has returned home after a year working away , she left her job voluntarily. She has no money. We are supporting her by offering food , shelter and support and also pay her train fare when she attends a job interview. We're not the richest of families so it's a stretch having another mouth to feed.

The issue we're having is the eldest child's attitude on returning home. She's completely nocturnal and noisy with it , she shares a wall with the middle sibling and has loud phone conversations at any hour. She also plays loud music late. We don't hear about this until the morning as we're at the other end of the house , we only know when the 10yo tells us that she hasn't slept well.
We also had money missing just over a year ago and I have an inkling that she took it , we've not mentioned it as we're not 100% sure.

Obviously we've spoken about the noise with the eldest , all we get is "sorry , my bad" then it happens again. It's been a month now and I'm close to losing my temper , though I know that this isn't the answer.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm failing at dealing with this situation completely. We love her very much but feel that her behaviour is unacceptable.

You DH and DD Sit down together and draw up some rules?
Explain this conversation will be happening and ask her to have a think and come up with some suggestions
You and DH do the same and then compare.
Eg no phone usage in the bedroom between x pm and x am
Music must be in headphones at these times etc
What chores she will do and a discussion about hot the job hunting is going etc
Hope things improve soon.

Thank you , I'm going to do this today I think , especially the part about asking her to come up with some solutions.

We're in the process of enforcing the headphones after 9pm rule , it seemed to have finally taken then the loud phone conversations began.

She is a woman child. That awful in between stage.
She lived independently so you know she can be more grown up.
Also she either finds a job or goes back to study something but she can't be idle.
Firm boundaries are needed as she clearly is fuzzy on acceptable behaviour.

Yep. It certainly is awful!

The main issue we have with boundaries is that her dad (exh) has an open house where drinking , smoking and showing complete apathy is encouraged. We feel like we're constantly trying to balance being supportive but not pushing her over there.