What to do - love DH but don't want sex with him

[ConfusedofYork]

I really need some advice please - I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends because they are all friends of DH too.
I love DH very much - we get on so well, he's my best friend, a brilliant father, a kind, funny man and I love spending time with him. The only problem is we never have sex. I thought I was ok with that and you didn't need sex for a happy marriage but recently I've found myself thinking about sex with other people more and more often and I'm worried I will have an affair and screw everything up. The idea of never having a sex life again really depresses me.
I know the answer is to try to sort out my sex issues with DH but they just seem insurmountable. Our sex life declined ages ago to not very regular, I think mainly because I stopped fancying him that way but also because he always came really quickly. I've also always had trouble maintaining sexual interest in someone long term. I don't know if it was linked to reduced sex, but he developed ED and stopped being able to have sex at all. He got Viagra from the doctor which kind of works and he is really keen to have sex - he really fancies me still but is very understanding about me not really wanting it. I don't know how to get over that I don't fancy him like that and that if I do make the effort to have sex it will be over in 20 seconds. TBH, I can't face the idea of sex with him and it depresses me.
I do really want a sex life but I don't want to screw up a wonderful marriage by getting involved with someone else. What would you do?

I do want to try. I've ordered the book and I'm going to talk to him about counselling at the week-end.

I don't think my marriage is truly dysfunctional - I genuinely love him and love being around him and I am sure he feels the same. We have a great life together. We've just let this problem with sex grow over a long time through not addressing it or discussing it. We did used to talk about it when we first stopped having sex but as I think neither of us knew how to resolve things we stopped talking about it and it was probably easier for both of us to ignore it and just be happy with everything else. But now I've realised that's not enough.

In terms of non-penetrative sex, he does like touching me and I like it too if I don't think too much - we do that more often than any other form of intimate contact (maybe once every 6-8 weeks). Afterwards I always feel weird - a bit dirty and embarrassed to have done it with him - I know that doesn't make any sense. I don't often touch him, other than cuddling - I feel worried I will lead him on when I don't want sex.

It sounds like you might have a problem with intimacy and commitment op.
Do you see him in a 'good father' role and therefore you are not allowed to also see him as sexy?

I think this sounds right, innernutshell. I don't see him as a lover. I see him as husband and a dad and I can't equate that with sexy.