I’m feeling a little hollow and need some objective advice please.
I’ve been with him off and on for a little under 3 years. Our relationship is sometimes amazing and sometimes awful. I am totally head over heels for him but he’s so difficult sometimes and really brings out my insecurities. At the start he was in a relationship when we began and I didn’t find out until a few months later (there was an overlap of two weeks). This gave me massive trust issues with him and I have caught him lying a few times, and any time we’ve broken up (always because of trust) the first thing he does is go hunting for girls. For validation. I’ve found messages and the like and if I honestly ask myself if he’s cheated on me I’d say yes but I’ve no proof.
He’s very passive aggressive and always teases me and pokes fun at me, sometimes I give as good as I get but it’s relentless. Sometimes I feel like I pander after him when he’s really mean to be because I feel desperate for some affection and niceness. This makes it worse. Sometimes he’s so lovely and affectionate and says the sweetest things and complements me too. He tells me he loves me all the time. We have a great sex life.
Last night we were out and his daughter got a message that her dog had died at her mums house and she was being babysat by his parents and she was distraught on the phone saying daddy please come home and he was adamant we weren’t going home. I was totally dumbstruck. His lack of empathy for his distraught 7 year old daughter really floored me. I told him he was being a shit dad and he went nuts and told me to go and get my shit out of his house and leave.
We had a falling out a few days ago about the teasing and lack of niceness because as soon as I stopped pandering after him he started chasing me. Like a really fucked up game. He’s very high and mighty and entitled. Thinks he deserves the best of everything and special treatment because he used to be an international rugby player. His Instagram is covered with half naked pictures of himself and his kids and nothing of me.
He told me he was going out out this weekend and I’ve been an anxious wreck because I’m terrified he will go home with someone. I don’t trust him. He is the typical “nice guy” - so polite and tries to paint a perfect picture of himself. But then behind closed doors he’s got no empathy and it’s shocking. He’s ignored me severed times over the years when I’ve been distraught or in a bad way, it’s like he can chose when to care.
We are about to move in together and I’m terrified that he’ll just totally lose interest in me and use me. He’s just got divorced and got a large settlement from it and I doubt he’ll want to get married again. This is something that’s important to me. I’m early thirties and he’s almost fourty.
He’s very jealous and possessive and sometimes makes a joke of it but there definitely a slight serious undertone.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel weak and confused. I feel like sometimes he doesn’t even like me and I literally do everything to please him. I feel like I’m always trying to please him.