Obstructive father

[Rainbownelly1974]

My 10 year old son started a drama group on a Friday that's 6-7pm he has been going to my friends after school for his tea and they take my son and their 2DD who also attend this group and I pick him up after, my son asked his dad/my exh by text that he is going on Friday to his/my friends house and can he pick him up after drama at 7pm his dad sent him a nasty text saying NO I will pick you up from school normal time and I'll decide whether or not you go to drama!! My son has been going to this group for only a few weeks and when it was his dads weekend to have him he couldn't as he was busy doing a swimathon, I believe my ex is being unreasonable as my son enjoys his Fridays and I know when he's at his dads he won't bother taking him to the group as it's run by a local church group another thing my ex hates!

Well it certainly sounds unreasonable. Is his father just generally controlling or is it this group in particular he objects to?
It is really important for children to socialise and take part in different activities.
Could you not try to reason with him?

You’re arranging for him to go from school to your friend’s house and then to a church group when this is your DS’ time to be with his father.

It's his dad's weekend surely he can cope with a couple of hours less for his son to enjoy his club?
Unless the group is miles out of his way or something then I really don't get the issue.

To be quite honest my son doesn't want to go to his dads as his dad has hit him for soiling himself due to a bowel condition and is scared of him, my ex is controlling and I was a victim of sexual abuse and I have an injunction against him, I agreed to let him go to the drama group to help him open up and express himself as he's a timid child. My ex doesn't like anyone who runs the church group as he said they are a cult!!! My older children have gone to the same and aren't part of any cult yet!!! And when my son is at his dads his dad ignores him as he works from home and hasn't time for him!!!

The drama group, my house, my friends house and my ex's house are all about 5 minutes drive away from each other, I just know that if his dad has control he'll stop him going and my sons been waiting years to attend the group and I've noticed a difference already in his confidence and so have his school

@KatterinaBallerina
No, that's not the case. The DS has attended the drama group with his friends for the past few weeks on Fridays and enjoys it so naturally wants to continue going. He would probably miss out if he only went fortnightly. The important person here is the DS, not the parents. Your inference that the mother is organising stuff for when the father has DS isn't really fair. Let's face it, activities do tend to be weekly. It is purely coincidental that every other week it is when the father has custody. The mother is not trying to deprive her ex of time with DS.

A decent father would want their ds to go to activities they enjoy. He could pick his ds up from school and then take him to the drama group for 6 p.m. or he could let DS go to his friends' from school and then pick him up at 7 p.m. from the church hall. The son wants to go to the drama group so his DF should help facilitate it.

@InadvertentlyBrilliant thank you so much for that support, my 2 daughters live with my ex and they often go out with their friends in "my" time but they are not processions they are people and have a right to enjoy their time as they choose if I miss out on a bit of time with them I'll get over it. my ex does not enforce my contact of my 12DD but I'm not threatening anything as it's her choice although I do miss her, he has manipulated my DD's into believing I am the bad person (I can't tell them what he did to me)

I'm sorry that you and your children have had such a tough time with this man. He sounds like a vile bully. I really don't have much advice without knowing where hou would stand legally in a situation like this. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your son build confidence and it's a shame for your son that he doesn't have a supportive loving father.

That sounds awful. If this drama group is good for your son and he wants to go then that should take priority. Your ex sounds like a total prick and if I was you I would take this to court. The fact that he’s hitting him for a toileting incident is disgusting. A ten year olds opinion is valid and if he’s (unsurprisingly) scared, there should be some sort of support, maybe supervised visits etc. Is he normally violent to your son? Sending you strength.

This has all been in court last year and as I didn't have legal help in court his barrister and Cafcass made me out to be a bad mum as I had a breakdown after going to the police and reporting him for domestic and sexual abuse which included his stepdaughter too but charges were dropped by cps
I am now with a new partner who was a good friend for years and has taught me to love myself and that not all men are arseholes or abusers. He also prevented me from ending my life when it got really bad

Advice please, my exh is using our 14 dd as go between which he was told not to and agreed in court not to do so but she tells me when I'm having her and her sister (12 dd) and makes decisions, I have an injunction against him for DV but because the cps didn't prosecute it wasn't taken into consideration for the court case and Cafcass allowed the girls to live with him as they said he was more fun than me!! I'm meant to have them Friday-Monday every fortnight but he collects them Sunday night instead, I work every day including weekends to make ends meet due to exh running up debts in our name so don't get much time until Sunday evening and they've gone back!!! I'm heartbroken and can't afford legal charges