'Not dating' date ...

[Justme1981]

Hi all
So ive posted about this man before, in brief: thanks to the strength of mumsnet i left my abusive marriage last year, i started online dating & a colleague was suggested as a match, we are both healthcare professionals & have worked together for years, we had 2 dates first v lovely, then in the second he backed off (i think he freaked out about my child, was VERY uncomfy talking about kids) he said no chemistry, offered friends with benefits which i declined, we havent really seen each other since (feb) but in past 2 -3 weeks ive started working in the same area as him, hes started emailing questions i know he knows the answer to, then chatting after. Anyway, my friends persuaded me to ask him to meet again, i didnt want to ask him on another date, so ended up saying along the lines of 'i feel like we get on really well, would be good to meet without the pressure,/expectations etc of a date' he said sounds good & im meeting him on friday night... so heres my question - anyone been in a similiar situation? It will be great to see him, hes a lovely man & we get on well... anyone 'not dated' & its led to something more?? Any thoughts? Im trying not to get my hopes up !!

Go - but without any expectation at all, as said earlier you may get a good mate out of it.

Last year I had just come out of a 10 year relationship, my dating profile stated that I was not after any sort of commitment or exclusivity at all. I was surprised at the response from like minded ladies. Made some great friends and met my now partner who I am head over heels with - all from a non date "date"!

Even with your update, I would definitely think you were suggesting FWB again.
Why wouldn’t he think that?
Doesn’t matter that he turned you down before - or you him - people change their minds.

Now, you are allowed to text him all day with “come and get me big boy” and meeting him naked in a hotel room and STILL have the right to say no. Always.

But... why even risk the misunderstanding?
I wouldn’t bother meeting him, but if you’re going to - I would explicitly message him first to say “just cos of all that FWB stuff before, it’s best I make it clear that this really is just a social with a friend”.

Your friends have done you no favours persuading you to contact him again

Why do people post on here to ask if something is not right. Then told it's not right, but ignore it anyway? Oh well. Good luck. Hopefully he doesn't mess you about too much!

So there was no chemistry for him but he offered fwb

You said yes then he said no as he 'wanted more'

Avoid this headfuck he is not your friend