Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to accept that it is over

5 replies

MummytoCSJH · 24/04/2019 10:49

I've been completely blindsided this weekend. My partner is too depressed to care about our relationship anymore, we have been arguing for abound 3 months now about little things, he came off his anti depressants and has been stressed with work which has just all blown up. We decided to live apart but still be together, now he says he cares about me but isn't sure if he loves me. He doesn't want to be together anymore, he just wants to be alone, but he says he still wants to be friends. I can't help but hope that he will snap out of it and realise what a huge mistake he is making, but I know I can't live that way forever - I haven't showered, eaten properly, slept properly in days. He has moved out into his sisters spare room for now but hasn't taken all his stuff which doesn't help as everywhere I turn I'm just reminded of him. We've been living together for a year, and although I've had relationships before him I was never in love, I've never felt this bad, I feel sick as if I have been punched in the stomach. He was meant to be the one that comes along after all the bad ones, the one I wanted to build a future with. Now the rug has just been pulled from under me and I am so lost and confused, it was all so sudden, basically overnight, though he says he has felt this way for a while. It didn't seem like he was emotionally checked out or anything though, we were completely fine all weekend until Sunday night (which also happened to be his birthday) and he just said he needs to be honest with me, that he's numb to everyone and doesn't know how he feels anymore. What do I do now? I just want him to have an epiphany and come back, but I don't think he will and if he does it may be too late by then. Everyone just keeps saying that ill meet someone else but that's not helpful to me, I want my loss acknowledged, not just to be told that eventually I'll be fine.

OP posts:
MummytoCSJH · 24/04/2019 10:52

He seems to think he's doing me a favour, saying I deserve better than him and that he's causing arguments all the time, that I deserve someone who takes care of me the way I take care of him. I don't know how to stop crying. I can't distract myself no matter how much I try.

OP posts:
SapatSea · 24/04/2019 14:43

You need to grieve and it will take time. He is ill and if depressed he is being honest, there is nothing you can do. He needs to get help and recover. It may be a long road. Be kind to yourself. Can you afford the rent/mortgage on your own?

Lozzerbmc · 24/04/2019 17:57

You are grieving which is normal at the end of a relationship. I think you have to accept it, but its hard as you feel disbelief right now.

As said before be kind to yourself and try and deal with each day and not think too far ahead as its overwhelming. It is horrible though I know. Try and do things that make you feel good. The gym was a saviour for me - got rid of all that emotional turmoil.

MummytoCSJH · 25/04/2019 10:36

I have to get universal credit now towards my rent but I will be okay with that. Yeah, I feel like he's died. I'm scared that if he comes to get his stuff it will be the last time I ever see him :(

OP posts:
SapatSea · 25/04/2019 10:48

Glad you can stay in your home. It really is the old cliche of it taking time to start healing to allow yourself to feel the pain. The Depression Fallout book by Anne Sheffield or the Thedepressionfalloutmessageboard forum might help if you want insight into coping with a partner with depression who leaves.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.