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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to detach practically and enotionally when he's still here

5 replies

Sharpieshed · 24/04/2019 02:16

Our relationship isn't working at all as DP and I are dreadfully unhappy together. We have young DCs. DP is reluctant to move out at the moment and I can't do so easily at all. I also need his help with frequent night wakings with the DCs as we both have to go to work.

The problem is that we keep finding little rays of hope, due to living under the same roof which are then shattered again when we realise a "togetherness" just isn't possible.

I now need to be strong and detach from him to protect my sanity. What practical and emotional methods can I put into place to allow us to both begin our seperate lives, even though he's still here under the same roof at the moment?

OP posts:

Alicewond · 24/04/2019 02:19

He needs to move out and have contact giving you some time out. Nothing else will work, whilst you are living together neither will more on

Blankspace4 · 24/04/2019 02:26

Do you have friends and a support network away from him? How old are your DC?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 24/04/2019 09:21

I don't often give this advice, but are you sure that the relationship is over? Absent any abuse (you haven't said if that is present) I sometimes think that couples should give it a year after any new baby is born before they make any other big decisions. It is such a draining, testing time and it is very easy to hate each other.

What are the issues in the relationship? What were you guys like before kids?

Obvs, if you feel scared for your safety or he is in any way abusive, ignore me!

SapatSea · 24/04/2019 14:51

If you definitely want to split then start detaching.

Don't be his housekeeper or service him in any way : so he does his own laundry, gets his own food etc.

Make a timetable for childcare.

Don't share a bed.

Go out to activities when it is his "childcare time" show you are making a life for yourself outside the house.

Keep discussing his timetable for leaving. set a deadline. Make it plain he has to go.

Hopoindown31 · 24/04/2019 15:49

He needs to move out and have contact giving you some time out. Nothing else will work, whilst you are living together neither will more on.

If he has a stake in the property and has been to a lawyer then he will have been advised strongly to stay put as moving out can seriously affect decisions regarding kids and housing during divorce proceedings.

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