A fair schedule for the father of my baby

[Ilovemybabyboy123]

Hi all,

I’d love some guidance. My baby was born in December 2018 so is just over 4 months old. He is the baby of myself and a friend who tried to have a relationship for a short time but it didn’t work due to his short temper and nasty streak. I’ve been very accommodating since my baby has been born, very flexible with him coming over, cooking him dinner while he plays with the baby and having his parents over whenever they want. I’ve been to his house, to his friends house and have made sure he is as involved as possible. He’s become very difficult and from my research we need to put a structure in (typical ‘give an inch take a mile’ stuff).

I’d love some advice on what others have done in this situation. I am so driven to make sure my baby has the best relationship with both his parents but I’m feeling like my hands are tied. He has a lot more money than me so if it got legal (god forbid) he’d be able to afford as better lawyer etc. My question is, what is a reasonable arrangement per week for him to see the baby? I can’t find an average online, 2 afternoons, an evening? Weekend? What is the best thing to do when you and the father are amicable but not friends and just want to make sure everything is right for my baby. (I’m breastfeeding FYI).

Thank you so much in advance and really appreciate any guidance here.

2 hours 3 times a week? I dunno, as you’re bf, he certainly can’t take him away from you currently.

My ex has our daughter every other weekend since she was 3 months old. He also has her for a few hours on Wednesday night. She's bottle fed so that's made things easier. I find it hard to be away from her but I trust him - he adores her.

Short temper..
Nasty streak..
Why are you so keen for your dc to be at his hands?
Having such a df isn't ideal.

Until the baby is one, nothing, due to BFing

Do you trust him to be kind and to keep his temper with your baby? If so, why?

He was never aggressive, and I have never seen any signs of violence in him. He absolutely adores our son and I am completely confident he would never harm him.

V strange choice of father

Thank you, I think that seems quite fair too. Considering he will need to come to mine to see him at the moment until the baby is old enough to go to his house. X

If you can keep it quite flexible whilst baby is young it's quite advantageous for you both, but it's worth having conversations about how you can co parent in the future once breastfeeding is no longer an issue. He may be very reasonable about it, and his parents being involved is a good thing too. Once food and water is introduced, having him take your baby out for 3-4 hours each weekend would give you a break, but I wouldn't commit to set times yet

If not have my child anywhere near someone who has a short temper and/or nasty streak regardless of how much they claim to love the child. Get him to make formal request for access, supervised if necessary...it's likely then you'll see his true interest in the baby. You never see the real person until they have no need for you in their life.