I recently turned got married and turned 21 and am now 5 months into my pregnancy. At 11 weeks pregnant I found out my husband had been calling escorts off his phone, I confronted him about it and he said it was his friends who he left his phone with. I believed him and a month later found out that on the day those escorts were called, my husband stayed in a hotel for 40 minutes. I felt sick and didn’t understand why he would do this to me, he said he went there for other reasons but the lie was pretty evidential on his face.
I forgave him because though I might have found it heartbreaking at the time, I understand from life experiences that holding grudges only gets in the way of moving on. Not only that but being pregnant with no finances, I didn’t want to deprive our child. I wanted our child to have a father and I wanted my husband to feel involved, to come to the scan. I don’t believe in making permanent decisions off temporary feelings. But, the feelings haven’t been temporary and I couldn’t help but cry when looking at our child for the first time, but not out of happiness but out of sadness.
Anyway, now 5 months pregnant I found a text on his phone from an escort saying she’s available this week again. I asked her where she got his number and she said she emailed him. So I went on his email and in deleted items I found emails to an escort he had sent when I went to visit my mum as she was due to have an operation. I confronted him about it and he lied, however eventually told the truth that he went to visit her but walked out because he felt guilty. He begged me for another chance and said all the things I already heard the last time.
Straight after finishing uni I got married to him, my degree was to teach internationally but I gave that up for him, he preferred me not to work so I stayed at home and help his mum out as she is unwell. I am too sick to work however try to get a job anyway but being 5 months pregnant, many companies are reluctant to hire me.
I haven’t told my family, I haven’t told anyone. I just feel like I’m crumbling in front of everyone and no one sees it and I don’t know what to do. I feel like a bad mother that I won’t be able to provide my child with the life it could have had. In relation to him, I can’t kiss him and feel any affection anymore, I find it hard to get aroused when we have sex which makes it more painful. I never really sympathised with women who forgive men over things like this, I always thought they had a choice to either stay or go but now in the situation I never thought it would hurt like this ever. The heartbreak is on another level I have never experienced before. He was the only man whom I ever trusted, he knew my past and promised to never hurt me and did this to me.
Today I found calls he made yesterday at 3am to escorts, I was down mums as I try to stay once every two weeks for one day. I know in my heart he didn’t walk out on the last escort like he said because why would you need to call more up if you want to stop.
I’ve decided to leave him but he’s ignoring it whenever it’s come out my mouth. I said I need a life plan, so we need to sit and decide how we’re going to do this. I’m pregnant and it’s exhausting trying to get him to cooperate. I told him I need weekly finances for the baby, to get baby things. I will move down mums and when the babies born i know my mum will help me look after it whilst I work part time. But trying to make arrangements is difficult with him being like this. Like I’m the one who is ruining us.
So please, any advice would be helpful. I understand I may sound naive in the situation but maybe there’s a plan you can think of that I haven’t already. I would like to thanks mumsnet for the opportunity to write this, the relief of telling someone out there who listened is unexplainable. Thanks for reading