Affair and mental health

[namechangenumber]

I’m hoping someone will be able to offer some advice.

I’ve name changed for this as I am a regular poster.

My DH and I have been married 10 years. Earlier this year he left me for another woman, though he denied this until recently.
I’ve suspected he was depressed for some time and tried to help/support him but he would never admit he was depressed.

A few weeks ago he broke down when dropping the DC’s home and said that he was seeing someone and admitted to the affair and that if she hadn’t been in the picture he would not have left.

He has now (I think) ended it with the OW, and is saying he needs to sort his head out before he can decide what it is he wants. I’ve made it clear that I am not doing a pick me dance and that if there is any hope of saving our marriage he must fight for it and show 100% commitment to see if we are able to get through this.

I do believe he is in a very poor mental state, a part of me also believes he is making this worse by still being in contact with OW (I’ve told him I’m not going to tell him not to, he has to choose that for himself and then prove to me he is being honest).

I just don’t know what to do, he has told so many lies about our marriage to the OW and also told so many lies to me. I think I can get past the affair but not if he won’t commit.
He has arranged help with his depression and anxiety but I am not sure what to do, should I wait quietly on the sidelines or should I just continue with my life without him and see what happens, and if he goes back to the OW then so be it?

I want to help him but I also want to scream at him to pull himself together for his family.

*wounds

Thank you for the replies so far.

The OW lives a long distance away so no worries of them bumping into each other etc.

Please, please read this article. You owe it to yourself before making any more decisions.

thoughtcatalog.com/krizzia-paolyn/2017/09/if-you-ever-have-to-choose-between-me-and-someone-else-please-do-not-pick-me/

beenwhere - that's brilliant.
OP - please read it.
My sister's H, came back home after an affair, but he wasn't fully committed. He still doesn't understand what hurt he caused her, and their son, and is still a selfish prick, and less likeable now.
I believe that my dsis has wasted the last 5 years of her life, when she could have met someone else (or at least had the option)
Sorry you're going through this.

beenwhere - that's brilliant.
OP - please read it.
My sister's H, came back home after an affair, but he wasn't fully committed. He still doesn't understand what hurt he caused her, and their son, and is still a selfish prick, and less likeable now.
I believe that my dsis has wasted the last 5 years of her life, when she could have met someone else (or at least had the option)
Sorry you're going through this.

Don't know why that posted twice.

Thank you for all your replies. I am reading and taking them in. Very confused right now.

I was also going to say to read the if you have to choose don’t pick me article.
I’ve been where you are several times over and although I don’t currently think he has anyone else, I really feel like I’m done. Forgiving an affair took too much of my self esteem and confidence away. It’s now really hard because I am finally returning to my normal self but I no longer want to be with him, I just don’t see the point. It would have been so much easier not to put up a fight for him in the first place.
Best of luck to you, I hope you will be happy.

Lots of people have depression and anxiety and don't betray people and put their health at risk. Definitely take time to think. Hope you're okay op it's such a bloody horrible thing to go through.

Things are crystal clear to me, op. He cheated, left you, now his mistress has shown him the door and he comes groveling back. Fuck that and fuck him. Don't be a mug. He only wants to come back because that's what's easiest. For HIM.

Please don't struggle with what role you are.
Your role is looking after yourself and your children.
He is nothing to you now, except the father of your children and a cheat.
It hasn't worked out with ow now he wants you on standby, you are worth more than this, and your dc need to see you are worth more.