Being paranoid since finding texts please any "ww "

[Bing777]

I dunno if I'm being paranoid,
I caught dp sexting work colleague a few weeks ago now. It was an horrendous painful time but we got through it. I decided to forgive him for various reasons
However, my worst fear has come true I feel much more on edge and paranoid.
He's working away for three nights since I've discovered the affair. I dunno if it's just me but al day today he's been very quiet, not really engaging,
He's been looking st his phone more often (again not sure if it's me being paranoid)
I did peek in his phone n nothing there
I know he's going away with another colleague so I dunno why I'm picturing it's the ow
I keep thinking maybe they're planning to meet there but it sounds stupid because he's there for work

Lastly, he didn't seem as reassuring as he usually does. He also said he's going to bed alone when usually when we're on the couch together he always says "let's go to bed now"
I feel physically sick with worry
Please help

He’s applied for a job in Saudi hasn’t he? 🙈 any update with that?

Is this the Saudi one ?

Do you know if colleague is going on this trip ?

He's supposed to be making it up to you

As ever, I agree with @MsDogLady.

I was in your position for a whole year with anxiety and stress related to 'is he or isn't he'. I wasted a whole year of my life and implore you not to do the same. Believe me, he isn't worth it.

Why is he looking for a job abroad? Is that what you want to do, move abroad? Just sounds like he controls everything, like 'let's go to bed now'. He decides when you go to bed. After 16 yrs it's difficult to change things. But you are stronger than you feel right now. You have just been worn down by this man. Have you anyone to talk to about how you are feeling?

No reassurance will be adequate or convincing enough because what you want to be convinced of - that he's completely trustworthy - you now KNOW not to be true.

You sound too sharp and realistic to do the whole self- deception, "I choose to believe him" thing.

Oh please don't be the Saudi one again.

Lets clear a few things up, as per your previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3527626-just-seen-txts-of-the-woman-i-had-suspicion-off-please-help

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3547285-should-i-forgive-believe-him-and-be-happy-with-text

1. You did not confront him when he was sexting his colleague for a few weeks. During that time you asked him about her and he was very reassuring towards you then that nothing is going on, for example:

"I did say to him on purpose after I saw the texts that I had a dream of him cheating n it was upsetting He was like no way aw come here n gave me a hug said he wouldn't It was so bloody convincing I think that's why I'm in shock" No wonder you don't believe him now - he was saying all this same stuff WHILE it was going on.

1. He has previously thrown you and your children out, making you all homeless.

1. He has stopped you and your children from joining a basketball club due to jealousy

1. Social services intervened because he emotionally abuses you and shouts in front of the children. Your older daughter already has MH problems, yet you continue to expose her and your baby to this abuser.

1. DP has been financially abusive, and during your mat leave he was selfish with money by never giving you money, yet expecting you to pay for things with your low maternity pay. Your family, friends and colleagues were horrified.

1. As well as sexting this colleague, you have also caught him on dating sites or chatting to random women online/sexting

1. You cannot go with him to Saudi as you have had children out of wedlock. if you are Muslim and have family ties to Saudi, there will will be nothing the British govt could (or, I'm sorry to say, would) do to extract you and bring you/your children home to the UK.

Oh, OP, is it you again?

Bangs head on wall .....

I decided to forgive him for various reasons

What reasons?! Reasons like he will make you and your children homeless AGAIN if you don't forgive? Reasons like your desperation to be with this man at all costs? Even to the detriment of your children's mental health and wellbeing?
You have no security. NONE.
He does whatever he pleases. He has done this kind of thing throughout your relationship. It is just a matter of time until the next woman comes along, and maybe the next one he will fall in love with and kick you out onto the streets anyway.
You are experiencing paranoia and anxiety. There is NO advice anyone on here can give you to make that go away while you stay with him. This is the life you have chosen and those feelings will always be with you now. Nothing you can do about it but put up with it. By all means ask him for reassurances 24/7 but, hey, you were doing that anyway while he was sexting her so... shrugs

OP, you've had three threads now, full of wise words. Are wise words what you really want? Or is it that you want someone to tell you that you're doing the right thing by staying with him and giving him chance after chance? Nobody here is going to say that to you. Nobody is going to tell you that they were married to an abusive, cheating liar, but after the 76th chance, he pulled his socks up and they've been happy ever since.

I can only assume that he's done such a number on you that you truly believe that you won't be able to survive without him. If you won't or can't do it for you, can you do it for your children?

Is the the Saudi one again. If so it doesn’t matter how many threads or name changes you make nobody is going to say give him another chance he’s been emotionally and financially abusive to you and your dc and is also cheating. You need to make a plan to leave before he throws you and dc out again