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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’m not happy in my marriage - wtf do I do?

19 replies

TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 17:41

Hi,
Bottom line is, I’m 47 and hubby is 57. We have two kids. I have drifted apart from him for quite a few years and now just have no love for him at all. No sex life (I don’t want him near me) and nothing in common. I am so unhappy but stay for the kids.
What do I do? I am the biggest earner and we are almost mortgage free.

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 17:42

I am starting to get frustrated and lose my temper these days (plus cry in secret) so not sure what to do.
Anyone been in the same boat? I just think he is too old for me. No parents alive either.

OP posts:
category12 · 22/04/2019 17:44

It's not doing your dc any favours to stay if you're angry and frustrated and miserable.

Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 17:44

Oh, he knows I am unhappy but thinks I’m in a mood and buries his head in the sand. He really has no idea just HOW unhappy I am

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 22/04/2019 17:45

When was the last time that you spent time together as a couple? It can be hard to maintain that couple intimacy. If however there is nothing left to work on then you need to be looking at divorce for both your sakes. Have you spoken to your DH?

RavenLG · 22/04/2019 17:46

He really has no idea just HOW unhappy I am

Why can you talk to him? Communication is key but if you’re than unhappy then just leave? Kids will be picking up on your anger and resentment towards your DH.

Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 17:46

I have spoken to him, yes, but he just acts like I haven’t said anything the next day!

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 17:47

We haven’t had sex in years!

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 17:47

I can’t go on like this

OP posts:
mbosnz · 22/04/2019 17:49

Well, maybe you need to sit him down, tell him exactly how unhappy you are, and that you are thinking of leaving him. If he just acts like you've said nothing the next day after that, then I'd be thinking that it's definitely time to call it a day.

Butterymuffin · 22/04/2019 18:09

I think the 'Just leave if you're unhappy' advice gets overused on here for long term partners who have kids. However, the alternative has to be working on things. What have you tried so far? Sounds like you need to saysomething that removes the option to ignore you the next day - so that you must go to counselling together / have a trial separation and if he doesn't actively go for one or the other then it will be separation by default.

crappyday2018 · 22/04/2019 18:21

I got like this with my ex. We were together 17 years but I couldn't stand the sight of him in the end and wouldn't let him touch me. We had only just bought a brand new house too but I just couldn't see any other way to carry on other than to end it. I was SO unhappy and anxious all the time. If I;m honest I put up with him for years because of the kids.
Now we've been split 2 years and I'm so glad I did it!!
It sounds like the only option for you now and, to be fair, you are in a good position financially. Some women feel they cannot leave because they don't work and don't own a home.

Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 18:59

I think separating is best tbh. I think I will wait until the last mortgage payment goes out and look for somewhere to rent. He wouldn’t cope financially without me so must be mortgage free.

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 19:00

I’m worried about the fall out. What others think etc

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForTea72 · 22/04/2019 19:34

I’m not sure if I should have a word with his older sister. He might take it more seriously then. She’s older and never married (never had a man in her life so not sure she’d understand).

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 22/04/2019 19:43

How has he reacted to the lack of sex? Tbh most men who are in long term sexless relationships caused by their partners tend to have completely emotionally shut down, so probably why you aren't getting through to him.

Butterymuffin · 22/04/2019 19:46

Why are you worried about what other people think?
I think you should speak directly to your husband not via other people. Don't you think he would take it seriously if you told him what you've said here?

paris100 · 22/04/2019 20:20

Op, are you me? You’re in exactly the same boat I’m in. It’s so frustrating when they act like you’ve said nothing. I’m currently looking at separation. Big hugs to you.

Quartz2208 · 22/04/2019 20:37

why dont you sell the house and split

Is your relationship based a lot on you making life easy for him and making sure he is ok with nothing in return?

wigglypiggly · 22/04/2019 20:44

how old are the kids? grown up? If you're really so unhappy then you should leave even if it's only for a few days, book yourself into a hotel somewhere nice and quiet, give yourself some quiet time to think about what you want. if you end up separating you can sell the house if you need to and split the proceeds, life is too short and he may be unhappy too but just too lazy, comfortable or unable to do anything about it.

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