I am in my early twenties, and feel like I should be enjoying life a lot more than I am.
It’s as if everyone else’s lives are progressing while I’m in a box watching. Over the last 2-3 years I have actually gone backwards in every area of my life.
I had an unplanned pregnancy with my first boyfriend in 2016 and I was very torn on whether to terminate or not. I booked the termination after deliberating, but cancelled it mainly due to his assurances that he wanted us to have a child, and he would support us both.
He turned out to be really manipulative, abusive and abandoned me financially and emotionally mid way through the pregnancy - it’s been a struggle ever since. He stayed on the scene but uninvolved.
He has come and gone several times since DC was born, which is really stressful because when he is here he is lovely and it takes a lot of pressure off me. But after issues involving money (he refuses to provide financially) he has backed off loads but keeps giving us crumbs here or there so I can’t actually have my closure and move on.
At the moment I constantly feel shit, about myself, my appearance, my lack of achievements in life, and feeling like I have failed to give DC a proper family.
Later this year DC starts childcare which will help financially but only stop me going into my overdraft every month, I will also spend the whole time DC is in childcare working so I don’t feel it will relieve any stress or give me a break. No close family I’d trust to care for DC so I feel quite trapped.
Sorry for my moany, ranty post. All my feelings have come to the surface the last couple of days with the weather and everyone else having a lovely time with their family. DCs dad is also out clubbing and enjoying the sunshine (& life in general)while I struggle. I don’t know what to do to make life more bearable or even somewhat enjoyable. Any advice would be really welcome & appreciated