How to cope with my girls not wanting to live with me

[Rainbownelly1974]

I reported my exh for having sex with me whilst I was asleep and it's the worst thing I've ever done as he's now taken away my daughters thanks to Cafcass as the police dropped the charges due to lack of evidence and I'm finding it so hard to cope

I an in a similar situation. My daughter believes my exh (her dad didnt rape me) because no charges were brought. He is an expert manipulator.

As my daughter is 15, the legal advice has been that the legal route isnt going to help me, as they will take her wishes into account AND even i get ordered visitation, it's almost impossible to enforce.

I am currently deciding what to do.

How old are your children? when you say taken them, is he the resident parent? Do you get to see them at all?

Have you sought legal advice?

What did cafcass say that meant he has sole custody?

What do your DD say about this?

The judge ordered shared care I have the girls every other weekend and once during the week they are 12 & 14 the 14 is almost like a partner to my exh she tells me when I'm allowed to see them as I have an injunction against him until June my 12 dd is riddled In nits, we were told in court that all communication should be done via email but he still uses my 14 dd and the secondary school send him all communication so I don't know what's happening at school! I can't afford a solicitor as I'm working

what are the reasons that they want to live with him as opposed to you and how long have they lived with him for?

hope ur okay x

Treat the nits yourself and contact the school shared care does not mean you have no PR and you should be getting 50/50 tell the 14 year old dad needs to send that in an email and repeat constantly they can only do it if you allow it to happen and every meeting repeat I'm not comfortable with dd being used as a messenger it's unfair on her emotionally it should be done via email

And she doesn't get to call the shots for her sister either unless there are safety concerns the 12 year old can come home

When you say the judge ordered shared care, did he order majority care to him with only having EOW and a week night. Or 50:50?

Was he at home more, with the kids, when you were together.

The judge ordered him more care, and no he never bothered much when we were together he'd "work" until midnight in the office in the garden but because he started buying them gifts etc and having no boundaries and I was my usual self of having set bedtimes and expecting them to work ie keep their rooms tidy(ish) and bringing their washing down once a week, they don't have any routine are up until 1-2am and are tired, the judge only did what the Cafcass has recommended as it's easier for him!!! My ex also molested my 15 DD his stepdaughter but none of it was taken into consideration as all charges were dropped
The Cafcass officer was about 25 and no children herself, how can she know anything 😢

What were the reasons he was awarded more care?

What did CAFCASS actually say?

Sorry, just trying to understand ths situation.

You can ask/tell the school to also send you any information they send him. Most schools understand about divorced parenting and will just do it for you.

If they’re funny about it you just have to put your foot down - they’re not allowed to treat one parent differently in these circumstances (unless there’s a court order specifying otherwise)

Cafcass just asked the kids after about 3 weeks of my ex getting his own place so it was like a holiday to them and that's why they wanted to stay with him, my young son 10 was hit in his stomach by the ex as he'd soiled himself due to a bowel condition he's had since birth
The school have been so awkward about giving me info and it's impossible to get to speak to the head as there's so many other people "dealing" with thingsat the school but no ones actually interested as he wasn't charged with anything so to all and sundry it never happened 😢

Have you pressed charges for him molesting your dd15? If not, that would certainly get the others removed from his care.

Unfortunately, if your dd14 is dictating the rules, given your ex probably is letting them do as they like, you’re on difficult ground.

Do school even know you have this little contact? If you have concerns for your daughters' welfare, re nits etc, even more reason to insist they keep in close contact with you.

My daughter and I both reported him for raping me and molesting her it took the police/cps a year to decide not to take it any further due to lack of evidence! He has no respect for women told my eldest son when he brought a gf home who he thought was ugly "that's one to practice on" he also told my kids he can smell when we are on our periods!

He sounds truly horrible and hateful so sorry you going through this x

I pray one day the girls will see his true colours but unfortunately that means that they’ll be damaged in the process!!
He uses our 14dd as a messenger when he was told by the courts all correspondence has to be done by email or text as I have an injunction against him but still she tells me when and where and how it’s gonna work!!

That’s terrible. Have you tried getting support from Women’s Aid?

Put your foot down with the school speak to the head of year tell them whatever goes to him goes to me too they really cant object you are an equal parent

You need to be firm with your daughter you are still the adult she does not call the shots dont be scared of losing her honestly he is doing this to control you if you dont play the game he will tip over faster stop dancing to his tune

(Easy for me to say, I'm sorry your going through this)

So someone who has no children must be a complete useless tosser who makes wrong decisions?

my young son 10 was hit in his stomach by the ex as he'd soiled himself due to a bowel condition
And nothing happened about this?
Was it reported?

He seems to be getting away with an awful lot of serious crimes.

You have 5 children?

Due to not being able to have proper legal help and he having a barrister the whole thing has been a complete mess, yes I have 5 children 4 of them are with him and the one who isn't he molested and she's now a mess of having to deal with all he's done and has no faith in the justice system plus her siblings have turned their back on her as they don't believe he's done anything wrong

They get away with crimes due to "lack of evidence " its shocking how often it happens and how little support there is out there