Can time apart mend faltering relationship

[inchy]

Background, lived with DP for 10yrs, have 2 DC. DP left with DC a week ago because she is not happy with the way we live together has not been happy for a long time because she is tired of living her life to suit everyone else's.

She is staying with MIL (MIL is an extremely negative influence another story altogether). Has said that she needs time to get her head together, couple of months before she can decide what she wants to do. However MIL plans to move to other side of country in next couple of weeks, and DP says she is going too. I cannot get DP to talk to me, other than saying there has been too much upset over the last few years and she needs to be away to clear her mind. I do not think her plans can / will have any positive effect on our relationship / family but am hitting my head against a brick wall when I try to communicate. BTW I have real concerns that she will be able to clear her mind when in close contact with MIL as MIL has the most bizzare view of the world / behaviour.

What can I suggest? Everything seems to be so messed up?

I don't know what to advise you but surely you have some rights regarding your children being moved cross country from you?

I'm sure wise MN'ers will be along shortly to help.

Would help if you mentioned why you think your DP is so upset with you...

There was no specific thing that happened to cause her to go. That is what I cant get my head round? She is acting so calm and collected about things, not her usual behaviour it is like it is her body but not her personality IYKWIM.

she says she has been unhappy for a long time
has she ever mentioned leaving before or was it out of the blue
in answer to your question, time apart can help but you have to keep communicating through that time apart
can you suggest RELATE/counselling either seperately or apart

She has mentioned it before, in arguments but it seems so pre-meditated almost like had been planned for some time. I would go to councelling she wont. Have tried to keep on good terms / communications but if i try to move away from small talk she gets very defensive / argumentative.

keep the channels of communication open with her even it it seems pointless
try to see your children this weekend
if you think it is likely to be permanent seek legal advice
hope someone is along soon with more advice

bump

Sounds really hard situation.

It seems drastic but I'm sure from a friends experience you can get an injunction to control where your children are taken even within UK. No help on emtional side - but probably worth talking to CAB to get advice from DC point of view.

MIL can be powerful influences unfortunately!

Thanks really dont want to go down leagal route unless last resort. Things are amicable at minute but she clams up if any mention of the situation.

Agree keep communication open especially regarding the children. If she won't discuss it with you write her a letter- it can be so powerful, be honest be open tell her what's in your heart. She sounds very confused at the moment try to make her see that your love is one thing she ca be certain of even if the day to day showing of it needs work. make it clear you want to work on it even if you end up going your seperate ways at least you'll both have ried to get to the routr of any problems- surely the children deserve you both to try. Good luck.

maturer Thankyou dont know why I hadnt thought of that. I really do not want to lose her