How should I word this email to my mum asking her to not tell me about her counselling about her marriage to my dad?

[doricgirl]

My mum is currently undergoing counselling and is having a lot of realisations about her life eg marriage with my dad was probably abusive, she’s actually very angry about it all and hides her emotions etc

Unsurprisingly I already know this stuff and have spent my whole adult life in mh services and therapy working it out. I am now married with a DD and I really don’t want to repeat the past.

My mum is also v emotionally disengaged, never asks how I am, only talks about things on her terms and generally is v critical of me and often talks to me like a naughty child.

She has also taken to randomly texting me counselling updates and the final straw was when I got one last week with no context about her plans for the week, can we FaceTime oh and been to counselling realise marriage was abusive.

This has totally thrown me to have that just randomly thrust into my day and I’ve had enough. I feel like a horrible person but I need to convey to her that it’s not ok, I have feelings too and I was there too and it’s impacted me too.

Any thoughts on what to say would be v welcome...

Keep it short and to the point.

Please don't tell me about your counselling. I don't want to know.

That should be enough and she will probably get annoyed/upset but just repeat. Don't be drawn. Respond to the next text or speech about it with that sentence and repeat it.

Reply with something like "I know a lot of this already. I have been through counselling myself as parts of my upbringing were quite traumatic due to this. I am now in a different place with my counselling and I really can't go through it all again so please don't send me updates on your counselling sessions, it is far too traumatic for me."

Of course that's if you don't mind her knowing that you've had counselling or if she already knows.

I wonder if her counsellor is telling her to share these thoughts with you? But, yes, I'd ask her to write her thoughts down instead so you can read them when/if you want to.

Point her in the direction of mumsnet relationship forum where most poster will tell her to 'LTB'. She saves time and money on counselling and you no longer have to listen to her talk about it.

Win.

I'd be telling her this is inappropriate - I'm not part of her support network in dealing with her marital issues. I'm her child, I have my own issues, and I neither need to or want to hear about her counselling.