I don't know how to tell her

[mcjx]

Recently told DM that she could be my second birthing partner during the upcoming birth of my first son.

Throughout the pregnancy I always said it was just going to be me and DP. Then DM assumed that she was going to be there too and kept telling our family members "I want to be there as well", so I felt unnecessary pressure to tell her that was okay.

Now I really don't want her there. I want it to be a special time just me, DP and baby but I don't know how to tell her that kindly.

My induction is this Saturday so there isn't much time left what do I do?

Could you say that you want it to be the pair of you for as long as possible and you'll give her a call when it looks like things are getting close? Then just not call and say it all happened so quickly there wasn't time to give her a ring or something happened meaning you couldn't call but you've filmed it so she can still see the birth (if you want to film it)?

@zombee I was thinking that. She's dropping us off in the morning and has asked DP to ring her when things start to progress.

I really don't want to upset her but I don't want her to be there if it's not what I want

I totally understand, I'm in the same boat. Unfortunately I don't drive and neither does my partner so my mums taking us to hospital when things start (not for a few months yet though) and she's the type who will stay for the whole time even if I'm only just on the cusp of being allowed to actually stay in hospital.
How does your partner feel about it just being the two of you? If she's the reasonable type maybe your partner could talk to your mother about how you (both of you) want to be alone for as long as possible. It's harder to pressure him I'd imagine as he isn't her child so that could be a solution of warning her she won't be getting a phone call as soon as you're x cm dilated for example, but she will get one when(if) you want her there

Just tell her hospital ruling is only those who were present at the conception allowed in +medics.

I would tell her. As much as I would love to be with my daughters when they give birth, it wouldn't bother me at all if they preferred I wasn't.

I asked my sister to be my birthing partner with DC1, she was in her first year of learning to be a midwife so thought this may help her. DP did not want her there and wanted it to just be us.
I went into labour, rung her to say that I was and to leave (she was a 25/30 minute drive away) - she missed the birth by 2 minutes but cut the cord! Rather happy it happened that way and everybody was happy!
(she so wiped baby poo off my side for me!)

I did this. I asked for just DP and me. So it could be our special bonding time.

My MIL text my mum to let her know DS was on his way and she drove up with my stepdad.

I was so fucking relieved when she walked in the door and was there for me. It was amazing. She was just what I needed to see me through to the end. It was lovely to share that moment with her too.

I'd say... let her come up if she wants to. Wait in the waiting room maybe? Then if you change your mind, she's there and she can come in. If not, then she can get a cuddle or a look whenever you're ready or if you're being stitched up?

Tell her the maternity ward only allow one birthing partner but she's welcome to wait outside?

White lie and tell her the hospital only allow one birth partner.