Husband had dinner with female single colleague

[pave70]

First post here so please go easy.

I have just found out by 'accident' when using my husband's computer that when he was recently on a business trip with a young and very attractive single colleague, he took her to dinner which cost £400 and the second night they went to the football together and then another dinner at a cost of £200. I saw photos on his computer of both evenings (her at the football and her with a celebrity chef) which he thought he had deleted. He said he took them as her phone had died.
My husband is pretty wealthy but I have never been for such an expensive meal in my life. My son is a huge fan of the football team that he went to see (but has never been despite wishing to go) and he did not mention it to him.
Our marriage has not been great over the last few years. There is no doubt we have grown apart.
He said he was just trying to be nice.
I feel it is the final straw - he has told me that nothing else happened. I just feel now that I cannot trust him at all.

These days in every industry eleborate dinners are frowned upon as they can be used as evidence of a glitter turd in HR related cases or blatant back handlers in others. If he tried to expense £700 of entertainment in my company he’d be roasted and if he tried to get it past his accountant I’m 90% sure he’d be told no chance

I’m probably out of date then...years since I worked. But I remember those Barclays traders getting sacked for trying to put a dinner for something like £40,000 for five of them on expenses! You’d definitely have got away with £200 back then....!

Op already said that her dh paid and it wasn't on expenses.

OP you see what happened, but are you at a stage to take it in and do anything?

I saw my ex finding excuses to be out, going to the gym more, hobby taking more time, texting friends constantly with a strange smile on his face, no interest in us unless putting me down, little interest in DC.

I saw it, but I couldn't acknowledge it. It was so obvious I told myself he was pretending to have an affair to be mean and controlling he was narcissistic anyhow . I knew her name too, he hesistated in a list of names and I saw his body language and still ignored it.

It is ok to take things slowly but, as precaution if things suddenly change, check you have records of ALL assets now.

One way to do this is to talk about an expensive holiday/home improvement and get figures together and write the savings you know about down, then say you wonder if it's high, but what about the rainy day/children's funds?

Also check you have access to funds now as solicitors are expensive.

I asked if she was sure; often expenses don’t get turned in until a month or so later. If my DH goes out with his colleague, he’d pay and it’d sit on his personal credit card. He’d then submit a bundle of expenses at a later date, which would be paid back directly into the bank account. I’m just saying that looking at a receipt or credit card statement isn’t actually proof that he paid for it himself.

I'm taking this at face value. The oo states the are not expenses and he has paid. I'm sure she is quite aware he could be reimbursed.
Also, yes business dinner can be expensive but that's usually only when meeting a client or big wig. This situation sounds like 2 colleague's gling out for business but this dinner and tickets were just them filling time whilst there and from the companies ive worked in, they would not be ok receiving this kind of expense.

My XH did something (expensive treaty experience) with a female friend that my son would have loved. That made me raise an eyebrow at the time. She's his girlfriend of two years now.

I'd be expecting a 400 dinner at the very least. And yes get your duckies in a line.

I think it's irrelevant whether it was on expenses or not really, the fact is he had two dinner dates and a football game with this woman - I can guarantee he would have had no interest in spending that amount of one to one time with a male colleague, or a female colleague that was married. It seems dodgy because it is

🐟🐟🐟 I hope you can see those fish.

Something here is fishy.

£600?!! And he never spends that on you? Nope! Personally, I would be on high alert after finding that out.

No-one spends that on just a colleague. Or just a friend.

I would be looking for other things to prove my gut feelings.

If you dont have that gut feeling, that horrible bubbling in your stomach, then that's fine. Don't do anything.
But if you DO OP, then it's time to start paying attention.

I felt suspicious reading the OPs initial thread. Seems I am not alone. £600 in any case is extortionate.

Wow that would be bin bags on door step for me. Sending you lots of love . Take one day at a time.

Get a good solicitor, quietly.

Do you have access to your own money, without him knowing what you're paying for?

You say he's wealthy - no, you both are. It's not his money, it's yours too.

I came on here thinking that a dinner with another woman isn't necessarily cheating - I have been for dinner with my male colleague lots of times when we have been away for work at the same time. But the difference is that we are both very open about it - I would say to DH that me and Bob (not real name) were going out and where, and he would tell his wife. We are just friends.

However, the expense he has gone to here is incredible. Bob and I split the bill equally, and actually ask for two bills usually so we can claim our expenses. No way would I expect him to pay, so it is suspicious that your DH hasn't done a similar thing because how on earth can his colleague claim her expenses?

Expensive business meals are usually for entertaining clients or prospects, not for two colleagues in their downtime on a business trip. There would be very likely to be a limit there set by the company.

Nando’s is “just trying to be nice”. This was a date.

Whether it went any further, you will probably never know but you do know that your husband is willing and able to keep secrets from you regarding his relationships with other women. You need to decide how much of that you can put up with and then take appropriate steps.

@DameSylvieKrin absolutely! About £15.00 each

Yes, I would find a top notch solicitor. I wouldn’t spend my life feeling anxious and uncertain about his doings.

He has been dating and making memories with another woman, treating her like a princess and paying for it with your family’s money. When you accidentally rumbled him, he fed you a ‘shit sandwich’ [chumplady.com].

Don’t tolerate his lies and contempt. Show him the door.

Came on this because something similar happened to me this week. Found out my DH had been somewhere other than where he said he was if that makes sense. Said he was away for work but was in another city with someone he works with. Tried telling me plans had changed but I know he’s lying. I think if you just know you know. Been suspicious about her for a long time. We have two DC and I have access to some money but it is still difficult. Hope things are ok for you OP. Have you checked if they had separate hotel rooms? Do you know her? Would she tell you anything if you contacted her?

I‘m going to play devils advocate here because I’m a business traveller and have meals out with guys from work and the nights are innocent. I think it does sound a bit OTT and it depends on the pictures of them together.