Soon to be ex has new gf

[Mumma111]

Hi all, need some advice please.

So I have a baby with husband but he left me when she was very small. Anyway fast forwarding to now 7 months on I've just found out he has a girlfriend, the gf posted over her social media and I know she's been in contact with my baby.

Is this right? I feel I should be told (we are still married after all and my daughter isn't even a year old) he has her a couple afternoons a week and hopefully introduce an overnight but I feel weird now, I'm not jealous, I feel like I said before I should be told especially my baby is around this woman.

As a mother you have a right to know, would you feel better if you met her?

My friend dated ( now married ) a guy with two kids ... she didn’t meet them for ages but when she did she had a coffee with the child’s mum and they actually get on really well.. of course this was due to the fact that she was likely to be around for a long time and they coparent lovely now ... the ex even came to her baby shower.

It’s not east to have that level of friendship
But imagine it’s inportant to feel
Confident I who Is potentially caring for your child x x

@Newmumma83 thanks for replying! It's super difficult as we are still in litigation too via courts and now this so it makes it much harder.

In an ideal world he should have mentioned it, if he was introducing the child.

But he didnt have to tell you he was seeing someone and he doesnt have an obligation to tell you that he was introducing the child. I agree it's the better thing to do.

I dont agree that you have a right to meet her though.

@Putthatlampshadeonyourhead I see your point ok, I like hearing different views

You are separated now, you cant dictate who he introduces his child to.
Why are you stalking her on facebook?

Personally I would have no interest in meeting an ex's girlfriend, you need to let him go.

Completely agree with Putthatlampshadeonyourhead

I can see from both points of view. My daughter lives with my exh and his wife. I have never met his wife, but I do know that she treats my daughter exceptionally well. I was not advised by my exh that he had a girlfriend, or got married and found out via my daughter. All I care about is that DD is cared for.

My husband's exgf knows about me, and has also never requested a meet, although I would go if she wanted to meet me for the sake of my DSS. He is an amazing boy, and I'd hate for her to worry whilst he was in our care.

@Walkingdeadfangirl I don't have any social media so I'm not stalking.

@nrpmum thanks. I have no desire to meet her, I just felt I should have been told since the baby is quite young and we aren't even divorced - maybe that's the reason I haven't been told as we aren't divorced yet then. Who knows. I'm just thinking of my child not myself here.

It might be polite if he let you know baby is spending time with newer girlfriend, but you've certainly no right to know.

@NoBaggyPants I agree with you thanks.

What difference does it make to your child if you know or not?

@NoBaggyPants I'm going through litigation which obviously I cannot discuss, so a big difference.

OP, I’m sure there is hardly anything more difficult than being left with a young baby but, what your ex has done is not uncommon.

I told my exh I was dating someone because I didn’t want him to find the nasty way. He said it was none of his business to which I agreed. I was not asking for permission but I just wanted to show him some consideration even when EVERYONE told me I was an idiot for doing that.

It is always a shock when you know your child has had contact with the new person but, this is where you have to put a brave face and keep your child out of it because whatever the married mum’s of Mumsnet think, you have no rights on who your child meets with during dad’s contact time and you have no right to meet her. And nothing is going to change that.

I was friendly with my ex’s girlfriends because I knew it was better to have them on my side, if we were in good terms they would call me if there was a problem with DS or they were not sure about what to do about something related to him, nothing makes co parenting separately more difficult than lack of communication between the parents.

Having said that, if you ex and new woman don’t want that contact, there is nothing you can do but keep to up to yourself and hope for the best.

I doubt it will make any difference to the litigation. It has no bearing on a divorce settlement or his access.

Thanks all, really great advice and cleared what I was feeling x

It wint impact the divorce or anything. Nor will him not telling you.

I get you dont want to discuss details. But if you have seen her posts, someone is looking her up on social media. It's not healthy, and wont help you.

I standby being told is important as this is a potential career for child... not that you can effect the outcome but at least if child talks about it your prepared for the conversation / can ease translation / put in a good poker face

Being friends and meeting is different all together, looking at how it’s gone for my friend it was awkward and hard work to begin with but think that the relationship that they have built
Is fantastic for the health of the kids ( but it’s not going to work for everyone and I don’t know if I would be able to )

It must of come as a shock to you. And your little one is so young. I can understand your feelings

Ex left me for ow. And she was at contact from day one and they moved in together 12 weeks later. As much as I would of liked him to given the children time to adjust. That was up to him.

And it got all the hurt over and done with for me.

I felt strongly not to want to know her. The children tell me she is kind to them. And that is all I need to know.

At least this way when the time comes that I meet someone new. He has no right to question me.

Stay strong