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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant with emotionally abusive ex

7 replies

bmak · 21/04/2019 18:19

So I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second LB but my ex partner is really difficult to deal with.
So about a year ago now I cheated and I knew what I did and how messed up it was and tried to prove how much I regretted it and my ex said that he would try and forgive me.
So a year later I’m pregnant with our first child together yet he still tells me he can’t forgive me even though we sleep together whenever he decides he wants to come around. He tells me he loves me, acts like we are a couple then he decides he can’t do it after a few days. Now this is an endless cycle, he comes round, acts like we are sorting things out and then decides he can’t do it again.
I’m just so tired, I do love him but all he ever does is use what I did as an excuse to treat me like crap.
Last month he messaged me to tell me he had tried to sleep with another woman but couldn’t due to “difficulties”, yet we aren’t together as he always states so why would he go out of his way to tell me this?
A few months before that he had took a picture of his female friend in his bed and sent it to me, telling me he had slept with her then later told me nothing happened.
All he ever does is tell me what a tramp I am and how all his friends and family think I’m disgusting and he should never have gotten me pregnant. I’m a whore, and all his friends were talking about me being a whore when he last went out, yet then he comes around again like he wants to move forward!
I know I cheated but is it really fair for him to still be this way?

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 21/04/2019 18:22

He isn't ever considering getting back together with you. He is using you for sex. I'm so sorry.Perhaps he feels that as you hurt and humiliated him, he is entitled to do this to you. Don't let him use you like this.

HotSauceCommittee · 21/04/2019 18:25

Stop having sex with him. End the relationship for your own sake.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 21/04/2019 18:29

You cheated...okay that was wrong but for him to be calling you a whore and telling you his family think you are disgusting is awful and abusive.

Go non contact verbally right now....keep all contact via email and about the pregnancy and nothing else. You made a mistake, you didn’t kill anyone .

Concentrate on you and your baby and leave this sorry piece of crap to his own devices.

If he wants contact that’s fine but he sorts that out post birth and in a way that is acceptable to you while your baby is tiny. He doesn’t visit you and baby alone EVER ...he’s more likely to behave himself if there are witnesses.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 21/04/2019 18:30

The more I read your OP the more abusive he sounds.

Read it back and think about what you’d advice a close friend putting up with that kind of shit.

bmak · 21/04/2019 18:41

Thank you everyone for the advice, I know it’s wrong the way he is with me it’s just sometimes he’s so manipulative that I actually do believe it’s what I deserve, I have tried so many times to cease contact and then he pops back up again whenever he’s bored

OP posts:
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 21/04/2019 19:17

Yes I get that this is hard for you but you really don’t deserve to be treated in this way ever.

Next time he is “bored” don’t respond to his calls or texts. Ideally block him as of now following a text saying all future contact must be via email. That way if he wants to call you a whore or whatever other disgusting term he has you will have evidence,

I’d also advise talking to Women’s Aid about what you are going through as they will offer listening and advice.

bmak · 21/04/2019 22:11

@deloresjamesumbridge thanks for the advice, I’ve blocked him now and told him we aren’t going to have anymore contact.

OP posts:
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