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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do?

15 replies

Magnoliamagic · 21/04/2019 17:15

So I know some will say I'm out of order checking his phone but hey my past haunts me what can I say....
So ima year into a relationship which is wonderful in every way and we are just about to move in together.
So I use his tablet and phone etc if I need to and have never checked anything before but for some reason I checked his what's app today. It was showing lots of messages and I got nosy.
I saw they were all from his work group so I did look at anything.... But I did scroll down 🙄
I found a thread of messages prior to ( and up to our first date)
From a woman who he obviously had seen but wasn't seemingly seeing at that point? However, LOTS of sex pics, one of him and several of her including a couple of videos of her 'with toys' which he clearly expressed has 'driven him wild' and ' made him cum in 2 minutes'
She is obviously local and there are no messages since we met but it's a shock, he has never seemed like that kind of guy and I'm a bit hurt that this was going on when we were chatting and planning dates....
He mentioned another ex but never her and I know it's perhaps none of my business as we had not met at that point, but we were chatting for a few weeks and had missed a couple of dates due to commitments whilst this was going on
I a bit surprised and kind of want to say something

OP posts:
VeronicaDinner · 21/04/2019 17:16

Massive red flags from you, OP.

Original poster
Magnoliamagic · 21/04/2019 17:17

VeronicaDinner From me or for me

OP posts:
bigchris · 21/04/2019 17:17

I'd only say something if you want the relationship to end, if you don't I'd leave it

Singlenotsingle · 21/04/2019 17:18

She sounds like a hooker! Phone sex ?

Theninjawhinger · 21/04/2019 17:18

From you.....

Why are you checking his phone? If you have unresolved issues that’s YOUR problem and you perhaps aren’t ready to be dating again. He’s allowed a life before you! He’s done nothing wrong!

LemonTT · 21/04/2019 17:22

You have a serious problem OP. I would never forgive you. There were a number of stages at which you could have stopped. Not going into Watsapp, nor scrolling, not opening a private conversation with an ex, not looking at videos.

You need help. But yes say something so he knows who you are.

Original poster
Magnoliamagic · 21/04/2019 17:26

Ive never checked his phone in a year of being together, I was actually using it for the calculator and it kept pinging messages. I didn't look at any messages other than he ones under this girls name? Because I've never heard the name and a I could see they were very sexual.
Wish I hadn't now because he is the perfect partner and I couldn't be happier. But he did cancel our first date and he did tell her that in the messages, it's just not nice to be thinking you are being discussed with another women and finding such sexual content involving your partner.
You are right, I shouldn't have, and wish I hadn't looked

OP posts:
SimonJT · 21/04/2019 17:33

You would find similar on lots of phones (you certainly would on mine), it doesn’t mean someone is more likely to cheat, it just means they have a previous sexual history, which most of us do.

Newmumma83 · 21/04/2019 17:40

Your hurt is likely because this woman is a bit more out there than you.

He hasn’t cheated / and he picked you, so he loves you just as you are.

Plus you have done something that’s hard to forgive so be careful if you do want to bring it up because you will come
Off the worse for it x

Nnnnnineteen · 21/04/2019 17:43

So, before you were a couple he was shagging other people? Serves you right for snooping!! He owed you nothing after a couple of conversations but clearly liked you enough to have nothing more to do with any of them once he got to know you.

Original poster
Magnoliamagic · 21/04/2019 17:46

You are all right. I truly wish id never looked and just need to get those images out of my head now.

OP posts:
Isth · 21/04/2019 17:50

What the fuck?! ‘What can I say...’ are you taking the piss? This is a massive violation of his privacy, and honestly I wouldn’t still be with you if I found out you’d done that to me. You hadn’t even met each other at that point, chatting maybe, but not physically been on a date.
Clearly your relationship isn’t as perfect as you would like to think it is seeing as you obviously don’t trust your partner, nor allow him any privacy.

MumsyJ · 21/04/2019 18:00

Mountain out of a molehill springs to mind.

He cancelled a first date and not a wedding for goodness sakes! A date isn't a commitment OP, look how far you've both come. Why do you want to ruin this?

VeronicaDinner · 21/04/2019 18:50

There is no good outcome to looking through someone else's phone. You need to make sure you never let anything like this happen again, OP. And of course, don't say anything unless you want to be quite rightfully dumped.

Order654 · 21/04/2019 20:58

You shouldn’t of looked BUT

Why does he still have the message thread with the naked pictures and videos from her if you have been together for a year? Why hasn’t it been deleted a long time ago ConfusedConfused

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