Adapting to family life when children ages stretch 7 - 16

[caron73]

Hello, just wanted to hear from parents who are experiencing the same!! We have three children 7 - 16yrs. I find it really hard to get us to do things as a family as the 16 DS only wants to be with friends or in his room (totally normal) then that leaves us with 12 DS and 7yr DD for family time. The 12DS is increasingly impatient with the 7DD as the are at very different stages. Anyone have any tips, I miss our family time and its stressing me out, should I just adapt to the age changes and except that the dynamics have changed and now its time to evolve again?? HELP

I have 4DD’s ages 7-16 and yes we are pretty much in the same boat. My eldest stays in her room most days and doesn’t really involve herself in the day to day outings any more. She’s also studying for her GCSE’s at the moment so that excuse trumps all others. On a Sunday I make a point of making a big family dinner and everyone sits and gets involved. Aside from the eldest the other 3 all bumble along with family outings quite happily. We go and walk the dogs, go to the park/ beach and sometimes out for meals. The eldest is only interested in the meals lol!

Speaking not as a parent but a kid of a similar family set up, I would let everyone do their own thing for peace and trust that one day they will all come together again. Maybe just insist on a weekly family meal.

When my my oldest sister was 16, I was 8, middle sister 13.

Mum often says at this point the only family thing we could do together without world war 3 breaking out was eat. By the time I was 11, we didn't even do that, I remember it being very much like I was an only child. I was also a bit spoilt as the last one to be dragged along on shopping trips and taken out for tea, you tend to get treated a bit more. Both Dsis thought I was a brat.

When we were 15, 20 and 23 we all still lived at home and it reversed. Older 2 had stopped arguing but still slightly annoyed each other, me and middle sis were very close. Shopping trips, nights out, family meals became a thing. We even had a family holiday. Oldsst sis moved out, she and middle became closer. In out late 20s and early 30s we probably drifted apart a bit but now in our early 30s-40s we're all extremely close. Our fanilies and parents all regularly barbecue, go on an annual holiday.

I think when you've got one in secondary and one in primary, it really highlights the age difference. Plus you've got hormonal stuff going on with the older.

I think you have to accept that "family time" is going to look different as the DC grow older.

I love his thread. ❤️ As shown by this Easter holidays, it's so hard.

Hi caron73,

I could have written your post! We have 3 kids-DS 13, DS 12 and DD nearly 9. Exactly like yours, our DS 12 and DD nearly 9 clash and argue a lot! I too miss the days where they would all enjoy the farm, zoo, park or a soft play. We have found doing some activities together have worked well-trampoline parks, bowling, the beach, eating out, climbing centres, etc. There are times where the boys just to stay at home and do gaming, so I take DD to the park. It is hard to adapt. Could DS 16 friend tag along, or would he rather go off and do that on his own? Try not to get stressed, as much as it is a change. X