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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just confronted my husband

6 replies

Greenmum2019 · 21/04/2019 11:52

You may remember my previous posts.... Background is... As a family we have had many challenges death poorly kids etc.... After 18 months of hurrendous misery at Xmas I asked him to leave in Jan. For whatever reason we started to get on well and communicate better. Since Feb we have been good. Really good.
After a tiring week he has gone back to the usual. Difficult cold, nasty, controlling in what i can ask him questions about. Parenting together has been a nightmare. I can't do right, if I ask him when x is going to bed he says ask x (he's a kid!) If I don't and control bedtime I'm in the wrong too and he will undermine me with he's ok.... Bla bla bla.

I guess I've just got perspective now. I can see these situations for what they are. He can't .Ake me turn on myself.
So I just called him out and he flipped at me, punching the wall, calling me names, doing impressions of me, telling me my weaknesses.

He said I'm making him angry, I'm causing this.
All in front on the kids. He said he's going out, I said ok. But this is on you not me. I'm not making him angry, he's getting this wrong. He's communicating badly not me. All I am doing is chatting about the kids...I'm the wrong with bad communication apparently.... But I don't think I am. I'm sick of doubting myself.

The kids are now crying and sad because our big family easter lunch is ruined. Because of his inability to deal with tiredness and stress.

I feel we are too weak at the moment to come back from this. I don't know how I feel :-(

OP posts:
LemonTT · 21/04/2019 12:09

Well now you know you can’t live together and should parent separately. Whatever prompted his outburst is irrelevant, his behaviour is unacceptable.

Stop trying to be with each other and start trying to be the best parents. Which means being apart.

To be honest and it’s not the point but confronting an angry tired person with home truths in frustration is not top of the best communication behaviour either. So you are both in toxic territory.

Greenmum2019 · 21/04/2019 12:35

Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. I felt like I needed to, as never felt confident enough before and in calm situations he makes me doubt myself

OP posts:
Dvg · 21/04/2019 13:02

I Agree i think the kids need to come first for once, whether you guys get on is irrelevant.. they shouldn't have to deal with adults arguing.

Greenmum2019 · 21/04/2019 13:08

Thanks. Keep this coming. I just need to manag my inner sadness and make the boys day good

OP posts:
Lovestruk · 21/04/2019 13:12

Is sounds like it's not the first time and won't be the last I'm sorry you've to go through this but as others say think about your kids they didnt ask for this and it's not healthy I know being from an abusive home growing up. I think you already know the answer to your own questions. I hope ensuring works out for you and your kids and yourself is ok, take care x

LemonTT · 21/04/2019 13:17

Plus neither of you will learn to communicate well with each other in a stressful environment and being together causes stress.

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