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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant, abusive ex?

13 replies

ExceedExpectations · 21/04/2019 11:48

My sister’s pregnant. She’s 15. Dad is 18. They had only known each other a few weeks before she got pregnant.

Over the last few months he and his family have shown their true colours. He punches holes in walls and headbuts them in anger, and it frightened her. She started to back off from him, and since then he has been emotional and verbally abusive (and I only just discovered yesterday he pushed her in a gig out of frustration, so I’m not sure if she is still hiding more) His family demanded to be at every midwife appointment, so when she chose to take a friend to one, they lost their heads. She’s had awful messages from the family (all aged 35+)

After confiding in me and her health visitor, she called the police. They took a statement from her and her mum about all incidents and threats, and they were keen to arrest him, bail him and court is next week. My sister got the idea from the police that he had form but obviously they refused to say exactly what. They didn’t say much to her with regards to the age gap but did mention to her mum the possibility of him going on a “list” I imagine the SO register?

She is likely to be housed alone when baby is born as her mum has no space for her. I’m so concerned about her and the battle she will have when baby is born. She would love to keep him away for good but I know myself that’s not realistic. I’m worried for her safety being alone with baby.

OP posts:
custardcreams1 · 21/04/2019 11:52

Can't she move in with you?

ExceedExpectations · 21/04/2019 11:56

Should have said - no she can’t move in with me, I have children of my own and no space :( otherwise it would be a good option

OP posts:
CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 16:12

My sister lived alone with her baby at 16. She was fine. How far along is she?

ExceedExpectations · 21/04/2019 20:38

She’s halfway now through her pregnancy.
It’s not so much that she’s on her own, I moved out when I was 16 and I was fine. It’s just my concerns of her being vulnerable to this guys abuse ykwim?

OP posts:
CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 21:09

cant she cut contact and get a injunction?

ExceedExpectations · 21/04/2019 22:52

She has cut contact, new phone, blocked on social media. But obviously with the arrival of his child surely laws come into play? I’m not clued up at all on rights.

OP posts:
CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 22:55

Then let him take her to court but in all honesty the likelihood of an 18 year old bothering with a baby hes having with someone hes know a few months are very very slim!

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 21/04/2019 22:57

Please make sure she doesn't put him on the bc.
And that the baby has her surname.
Not all babies need a df.....

ExceedExpectations · 21/04/2019 23:32

I was thinking that Cupcake . The boy doesn’t have a penny to his name and the family spend most of the time on or dealing drugs so... He’s very adamant he wants everything to do with the baby though.

Easterbunny thankfully now that he is out the picture for now I’ve managed to have a very educational lesson with her about birth certs. I did try and explain the ins and outs when she was all loved up but I get the feeling she would have put him on regardless. Now she understands the legal implications so it’s a absolute no.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 22/04/2019 00:09

And if he tries to have contact, she can ask for a contact centre only due to his aggression/his shitty family. If she breastfeeds, he won’t be allowed the baby on his own for months.

Grumpelstilskin · 22/04/2019 00:29

Surely, someone aged 18 or over having sex with a 15 year old or possibly younger is a criminal offence, so of course, he should be on a SO register. In this case, surely, this may also have an effect on the kind of access to the baby he could demand, i.e. only with supervision and in a contact centre if at all. The rest of the family have zero right to any contact or indeed be involved with the baby.

ExceedExpectations · 22/04/2019 00:34

That was my thoughts Grumple, but police haven’t said anything further on the age note.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 22/04/2019 00:37

Good luck 💐

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