Seperate beds

[Fightingdoubts]

I think I am in a relationship with someone who seems to be doing life alone and doesn't count me in when he is making decisions. I am mad today but trying to stay reasonable too. I know he has trouble sleeping and so he recently bought a second mattress. I am okay with him doing what he needs and it was presented as a now and again thing. At least that is what I remember. Basically he woke up one day and bought a mattress. Yesterday he slept there and I asked if this was now and again or his main bed to which he replied the latter and he thought I was aware. I feel that he did not even care to ask if I am okay with sleeping alone from now on and it hurts really bad. Am I being unreasonable? I am okay with exploring this as a solution to sleep problems but I am not okay with him just doing things without even preparing me with a conversation on what it means.

I’m so sorry, that’s really hurtful. There is something so intimate about sleeping in the same bed as your loved one (though I guess we’d all like the bed to ourselves once in a while). Not to mention it’s time to cuddle and say your ‘love yous’.

A frank discussion is needed...and if it’s a mattress issue, can’t you move into his new bed?

If this is how he wants to spend his nights moving forward, you will need to make your own decisions. We all deserve to feel loved and wanted.

Yes, he absolutely should have talked to you and made things clearer.
However many couples sleep apart and have a loving relationship.
Me and DP are sleeping apart it means we can both get a good night's sleep, whoever wakes first will go into the other's bed for a cuddle in the morning.

Is he in a separate room, too?

We share a room but sleep in a bed with two seperate mattresses - adjusted to our different needs (separeate pillows, duvets etc., too) - as is traditional where I am.
You do not need to share a mattress, not even a bed or a room to be in a good partnership.