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Original poster

Do you think my crush might be crushing back?

53 replies

PurpleRainier · 20/04/2019 22:41

I'm aware that I will sound about 13 years old in this post but I promise I'm a fully grown functioning adult Grin have NC because I do so every so often, but long time poster.

Just wanted some opinions on whether I'm reading too much into this? I'm just musing because it ultimately really doesn't matter either way!

I went to a gig last night. Posted something on social media about how hot the lead singer is Blush

A guy I like then made a point of pointing out how physically similar he is to this man. He commented something vague on my post, and then went through the singers page to find a photo of him, sent it to me and said "we're basically the same person".

Do you think this means he wants me to find him attractive? We have had a bit of a flirtation going on for what feels like forever but it's really unlikely anything will ever come from it (we are at very different stages in our life and he is quite a bit younger than me (20 to my 29).

But I've always thought that despite the flirtation the crush was really one sided. Do you reckon he might have a bit of a crush back? Or am I over thinking it??

OP posts:
RoseOfSharyn · 21/04/2019 08:11

What band did you see?

thesunwillout · 21/04/2019 08:11

He's just flirting, why are people so mean.
Glad you're going for a drink, have fun!

Dieu · 21/04/2019 08:12

I'd have replied 'yeah, the low budget version!'

If there's one thing I have learnt about dating and relationships, it's that actions speak louder than words.
I think if he was genuinely interested in you romantically, he'd have asked you out by now. Nothing wrong with you doing the asking though!
Good luck.

Dieu · 21/04/2019 08:14

Oops, sorry, should have read the whole thread.
Excited for you OP, and hope the drinks go well!

ElloBrian · 21/04/2019 08:16

Have fun OP! Good for you for doing the asking.

barryfromclareisfit · 21/04/2019 08:20

Which band?

Original poster
PurpleRainier · 21/04/2019 08:20

Dieu I do agree with this. He did ask me out for drinks about two months ago but it ended up being gate crashed by the team I used to work with (who he still works with), which is quite common - if I ever meet up with any of them for lunch, a couple more usually end up coming along once someone says "oh I'm having lunch with Purple today" or whatever (I was a part of the team for years so we are all good friends and some of them have no shame inviting themselves along!). I didn't think much of it and mentioned it to a few of the others that we were gonna have a drink so they should come along Blush but when I asked him last night he actually said "how about this time we don't invite the others along" Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleRainier · 21/04/2019 08:25

For those asking which band, this makes it even more embarrassing Blush it wasn't actually a band but a singer, and I only went because my 14yo nieces were desperate to go and my sister really did not want to take them (she's more into punk type music). It's Shawn Mendes Blush

OP posts:
Starryskiesinthesky · 21/04/2019 08:44

😂

TheStuffedPenguin · 21/04/2019 08:51

You can date and have fun with someone else ?You do realise you will spoil your friendship with this guy ? I once had a 20 year old son and I would be horrified at the thought of him seeing a 29 year old with a child. Sorry but that is the truth and many other mothers would feel the same .

Original poster
PurpleRainier · 21/04/2019 08:56

Penguin I wouldn't worry about that, most people would actively avoid dating a 20yo whose primary concern was "but will my mum approve?".

Also there is no reason a friendship would be ruined if it didn't work out. Only if people turn nasty - and if that's the case, it's not someone I would want to stay friends with anyway.

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 21/04/2019 08:58

I have never met a 20yr old male I would think of as a man.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 21/04/2019 08:59

9 years isnt a huge difference.

However, there is a big difference between a 20 year old and a 29 year old who has a child and been married then divorced. I say that as someone who got their first mortgage at 19 (almost 20 years ago). Being anle to pay the mortgage and Bill's doesnt make you a grown up on it's own.

However, my main concern is that of he is a good friend, you will end up ruining it.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 21/04/2019 09:01

I wouldn't worry about that, most people would actively avoid dating a 20yo whose primary concern was "but will my mum approve?"

Actually lots of perfectly normal and functioning people do take their parents opinions into account. Or rather look at the whole situation and wonder if their parents opinions might be right.

Saying that a relationship ending doesnt ruin friendships unless one gets nasty, is very naive.

Original poster
PurpleRainier · 21/04/2019 09:03

Rivers i take it you wouldn't consider a 20yo female a woman then?

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 21/04/2019 09:04

Often, yes.

SimonJT · 21/04/2019 09:05

He’s 20 for goodness sake, not 16, if you like him go for it.

funnylittlefloozie · 21/04/2019 09:06

Oh fgs, some people here are WEIRD! As you say, OP, you're not marrying him, you're just having a bit of fun and going for a drink. I hope you have a great time!!

Original poster
PurpleRainier · 21/04/2019 09:06

lampshade I agree that people would look at the whole picture and consider if their parents opinions were correct. But you're not getting the whole picture here and yet still judging? The only facts you know about me are my age, marital status, and that I have a child. My friend might have other considerations based on who I actually am as a person.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 21/04/2019 09:07

Hilarious. Start a thread declaring that girls aged 20 are still idiotic, immature and can't possibly have an adult life yet. Cue furious onslaught from hordes of MNers who had three kids by then and had worked their way up to board level of a FTSE five hundred.

Extra points if the words 'Russell Group' make an appearance.

We could make a fun drinking game out of this!

TheStuffedPenguin · 21/04/2019 09:11

You have missed my point purple - in addition what I meant was that many 20 year olds would not want to get hooked up with an older woman with a child and have an "instant family " . They would want fun and experience without the added ties of a child which is not theirs.
I think you are naive if you think you are going to have some kind of relationship with this guy "for fun" and then it not affect your friendship . However he may too be wanting "fun" and you are his Mrs Robinson fantasy . Anyway you have decided so good luck to both of you .

MashedSpud · 21/04/2019 09:12

No one bats an eyelid when a middle aged man dates a 20 odd year old, just read the recent age gap thread.

I wouldn’t dream of interfering in my son’s life about who he dates as long as he’s happy.

Rumbletum2 · 21/04/2019 09:18

Ignore the hordes of nasty posters OP. Have a fab time and please update. I have no life so have to live vicariously 😛

NicoAndTheNiners · 21/04/2019 09:57

Actually my best friend is late 30s and her dp is mid/late 20s. They've been together over 3 years now. She had 2 dc when they met and he was about 24yo then.

They're now engaged and have had a baby together.

So ignore people saying there'll be no future in this. Obviously that's jumping the gun massively seeing as you're going out for one drink atm but if it works out then it works out.

Original poster
PurpleRainier · 21/04/2019 10:07

It makes me laugh because it's almost exactly the same age gap as me and stbxh and no one batted an eyelid when I got with him at 21. And interestingly one of the main reasons we broke up is because of his complete lack of ambition (no career, jumping from one min wage job to another, no interest in us buying our own home). Something that my friend has got sussed at only just over half of my stbexh's age.

OP posts: