Me and dp have been together 4 years and have a 15 month old dd together.
Before our daughter was born we were very happy going through life doing what we were doing because, in the grand scheme of things, we had very few responsibilities.
Since her birth my life has (obviously) changed in massive ways. My dp seems to be going on much as he did before. Childcare, life admin, household chores, shopping etc all fall to me or they just don't get done. I now refuse to do his washing because why should I?! Except now he's become more lazy in other areas because he knows that I will pick up the slack (as I don't like living in a hovel), including financially.
I've asked, begged, pleaded and shouted at him to try and get him to pull his weight and he will make a token effort for a week or so, pushing the vacuum round before he goes back to his usual self. Trying to get him out of bed before lunchtime at the weekend is a waste of time so I either take dd out without him or sit around at home all weekend which I hate doing because it's boring sitting in the house.
He's classed as self employed and his last years earnings didn't reach £11000. He's trained in a sought after skill which he no longer does (fair enough) and has had loads of job offers with it but refuses, has no savings or pension. Because he just doesn't want to however I then end up doing overtime to fill in the financial gaps and has said that he can just live on my pension when we're old (I told him no way and no we're not married).
I make sure he pays me house keeping each week as he can't be trusted to pay bills after he I didn't pay the council tax for several months and nearly landed us with a ccj. He could easily go back to his previous work for a couple of years to help us financially until I've finished my diploma and had my pay rise but he just doesn't want to.
I'm knackered, I work full time (12 hour shifts, days and nights) have a young child, do all the house hold tasks and as part of my work contract I've got to complete a HE diploma as well. I want to buy a house which he says he wants to as well but feel I'm the only one making any sort of effort saving.
His mother freely admits she used to do everything for him (he still lived at home when we met, he was 34 then) and especially since our daughter was born I've started doing the same because I get fed up of asking for things to be done and getting nowhere.
He recently missed our first holiday abroad for a family members birthday because he didn't get his passport sorted in time despite having 6 months to sort it. Even when we were away he couldn't be bothered to text or call to see how dd was he only knew we were having fun because sent him pictures and FaceTimed him.
We've had sex twice since dd was born and haven't had it in the last 6 months. I can barely stand him touching me especially as it's usually a grope. There's no intimacy at all and tbh I'm to tired anyway. Now even if he did start pulling his weight at home I've lost that much respect for him I don't think it would make much difference with my opinion towards him and consequently our relationship.
I could afford to live on my own but it would be even more of a struggle than it is now and I don't think he'd leave willingly anyway so I'm stuck for the moment. I can see me leaving before the end of the year.
I'm not really sure why I'm putting this on here it's just nice to get it off my chest I guess. He is aware of the issues but just doesn't seem to care enough to change and I'm just fed up of it all x