That is the last BBQ I ever have with that man!

[Mango88]

That’s it really. Long, long history of wondering about emotional abuse & posting on here. Biding my time until after this Summer’s exams for DD.

Just had a goodish night away on our own & planned BBQ tonight with teen DDs. From the off, he is slamming around moodily. Shouting about not being able to find stuff (that I find in seconds). Yelling upstairs for DD to come down & do stuff for him. Am summarising lots of passive aggressive/intimidating behaviour.

Long story short, yet again we’re all eating in silence & you could cut the air with a knife, He then sods off & DDs are toasting marshmallows while I’m thinking we could have really nice BBQs on a disposable with no tension in a frigging back yard without him & be happier 🙁

Just so very done....

So kick him out. Send him and his moody bbq packing.

I completely understand, sending you some hugs - get yourself some marshmallows and get out there.

Its like men who can't do DIY unless you are there to "Assist" and as inconvenienced as possible

If the atmosphere is so bad then do it now, you’ve said your dd has exams coming up, may well be easier for her if she’s not living in an atmosphere

Just had a goodish night away on our own & planned BBQ tonight with teen DDs. From the off, he is slamming around moodily.

So is it when you're around the DDs that he's like this?

So yes worse around them but night away had it’s tense moments when I wasn’t feeding his ego or falling at his sexual advances 😕

Biding my time until after this Summer’s exams for DD

So you think it would be better for your DD to have this man around while she revises? Why? You say his behaviour is worse around the kids, and he "yells for them to do stuff for him".

Be honest - is the "I can't possibly do anything until after her exams" just an excuse? It doesn't really seem like it's for her benefit.

I think it would definitely be better for you dd if he was gone and she could revise in peace. Why do you feel differently?

This man is an arse. Get rid of him for both yours and your dd sake.

Big changes when exams are imminent are not fair, unless unavoidable due to safety. And I speak as someone whose ‘staying together until the children are older’ parents spectacularly separated just before my GCSEs.

Have to agree with pps. He causes more aggro when the DDs are there, so he's going to be a detrimental hindrance to your DDs revision. Getting him gone now is probably for the best where DDs exams are concerned.

As well as for your own sanity and general happiness.

The exams are pretty soon so you could start active planning on the quiet. That would make you feel more productive as you wait.

Do you honestly think this is better for your DD’s than separating now? Would you consider asking them how they feel?

That's not right. That's not how it should be and you deserve better. It makes me so cross when people can't control their mood and take it out on others. You're basically his emotional punch bag.

Every time i do something nice with my children i remember what it would have felt like with my ex husband there!!! The fact he was never interested in family stuff, never wanted to spend any money, the stress getting to the event, setting it up, meeting people, going with family.
The walking on egg shells, life can be amazing you just have to be brave, go for it. x

And I speak as someone whose ‘staying together until the children are older’ parents spectacularly separated just before my GCSEs

I can see that, absent any violence, if you've been subjecting your kids to a miserable, walking on eggshells homelife for years, there is a case to be made for not choosing few weeks before exams to finally split up.

But I also think that it can easily be used as an excuse - can't do it just before exams, now it's summer but we have a holiday booked and I want them to have one last family holiday to remember, oops, now it's nearly Christmas, have to wait till the new year, now the other one has exams, etc.

It's never a good time to end your relationship.

It’s too close to exams. It’s not about the atmosphere, teenage kids actually tune parents out pretty well. I lived in a similar situation and when we split the kids were clueless why. They don’t need to be upset and distracted before exams. I would wait. Kids will often blame themselves and even if it seems doomed to you it will come as a shock to them.