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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling that I am not good enough

9 replies

Pamelaaa · 20/04/2019 16:43

I have been on my own for 18 months now after a 25 year relationship / marriage. It had been a sham for many years and I finally had the courage to leave in October 2017. I hadn't loved him for a long time.
I have now met a fabulous man who tells me how much he loves me. We are taking things slowly and have not met each other's families or anything yet although we are planning to do so. We are also planning a holiday in the summer and that at some point we will live together and he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He is wonderful and caring and does so many lovely and caring small things. The problem is I can't believe he is with me and constantly expect it to be over. I don't feel that I am good enough for him... pretty enough...slim enough...intelligent enough...Nice enough..etc. and I am constantly scared that he will go off me. He has done nothing to warrant this but I just can't help thinking it isn't going to last and he will find someone better than me. I am trying to keep these feelings under control but sometimes they are just overwhelming and I think about finishing things so he doesn't have to.
What's wrong with me and how can i stop feeling like this? Am worried I am going to sabotage things.

OP posts:
Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 20/04/2019 16:44

How long have you being seeing this new man?

Pamelaaa · 20/04/2019 16:50

7 months now.

OP posts:
GinisLife · 20/04/2019 17:01

Of course you're good enough for him. He's a human like all of us. He wouldn't be making long term plans with you if he wasn't serious. You sound lovely. You need to boost your self esteem.

Pamelaaa · 20/04/2019 19:07

The rational part of me knows he is serious but not the irrational bit. Yes I never think I am as good as other people although you would never guess that if you met me.

OP posts:
Pamelaaa · 20/04/2019 19:08

Sorry posted too soon. I just don't want to ruin things with him.

OP posts:
applecrunch92 · 20/04/2019 19:45

I felt like that when things ended better my marriage, I got with a guy who was amazing in every way extremely good looking also.
And I would think he had a motive behind dating me or he was bored and had no one else to waste his time on. I would convince myself of theses things.
But I realised that it was all in my head, In fact he was the lucky one.

Maybe start appreciating all the good qualities that you have and keep reminding yourself about how amazing you are.Smile

MyGastIsFlabbered · 20/04/2019 20:18

I'm in a similar position OP although we've only been dating for 3 months. It's all been a bit of a whirlwind despite me trying to take things slow, and I keep thinking one day he'll wise up to me and leave.

CaptSkippy · 20/04/2019 20:34

Perhaps it helps to remember that nothing in life is permanent, so you might as well enjoy every good thing you have right now.

Maddy762 · 20/04/2019 22:51

I feel the same and been with my partner 8 years :-( I don’t know how to feel differently.

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