My neice. Oh dear, I love her but she is a diva! She is only 9. She is very selfish.
The main problem I have is that she does not like to share. She wants everything her way, and expects everyone to bend over backwards to ensure that she is pleased.
The worst part, is her parents (my sister and bil) facilitate this.
They tell her she doesn't have to share if she doesn't want to. Fair enough in itself, but she won't share HER stuff, but expects -no, DEMANDS that my kids share with her, give her lots of turns on their things.
for eg, if she has a toy, she will most likely say she doesn't want my boys to touch it. She gets very upset at the thought that they will go near it.
My sister may, sometimes, say to her why don't you, oh go on, but if my neice starts to stress (as she does) my sister says oh well, she has the right to say no. My bil will say she doesn't have to share if she doesn't want to, or tell the boys to not touch something because it is X's, or he will put stuff out of reach against the possibility that the boys will touch it.
But then my niece will go to my boys, after refusing to allow them to touch something of hers, and stress for a turn of what they are on. She will come to me and complain that the boys aren't letting her have a go. I then make them give her a turn. Because the concept of sharing is SO important to me, and I do NOT want my kids to be selfish like she is.
plus I feel mean if I don't make the boys share, plus my sister looks at them and me WAITING for me to make them share!
So like I say, I encourage (actually, I insist) that my boys share, but my neice then turns round and is selfish with her things and won't let the boys near stuff. If she ever does, she does it as SUCH a big deal - Oh look how fab I am, praise me, kind of thing.
But I feel increasingly resentful that they work to make everything so 100% in favour of her and expect that from me. Expect me to be happy to stop my kids from touching her stuff, while making them share their things with her.
It hurts me when I see my boys confused why they can't go near her things.
I want to start saying to her, when she stresses, that the boys don't have to share if they don't want to.
But I know I am going to end up with my sister asking me about this.
I also don't want to confuse my kids by telling them they don't have to share with her, yet trying to keep up the sharing message, as generosity and thoughtfulness are, to my mind, essential characteristics that I want my boys to have.
I also feel that getting the boys to not share with her in retalliation for her mean nature, is spiteful on my part. But I am getting so resentful.
I don't know what to do. I am mad as hell that my neice is selfish yet expects generosity. I am mad that my sister and bil encourage and reinforce her selfishness, yet require me and my kids to bend over for them and give her priority, like she should matter more to all of us than my boys.
On the other hand, I do love them and I don't want to fall out with them, but I can't stand their meanness any more.
Please give me advice.