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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family life, work life and sex life.

3 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 20/04/2019 11:05

I have two children, one who is 5 years old and the other is coming up two years old. I work between 25-37.5 hours a week (depending on shifts) and on the days I work I am out the house for 14.5 hours. On the days I’m not at work I’m obviously doing all the child/house jobs.

I have a fantastic husband who works Mon-Fri and is home by 5pm each night. He is extremely hands on with the children and house stuff so everything is pretty fair.

The problem is that our sex life has taken a real nose dive since our first child arrived and it’s never really picked back up. I know things are different when children are on the scene but sex is the last thing on my mind these days.

I feel shattered most of the time as my 20 month old is a horrendous sleeper, sometimes I function on 4-5 hours broken sleep each night and between that and my long shifts at work I feel drained pretty much every day.

By the time the kids are in bed and all the housework bits are caught up on I don’t want to do anything but sleep.

How do you all find a good balance and find time to maintain a good sex life with your partner?

It probably doesn’t help that I still feel a bit self conscious about my post children body and the fact that my underwear selection consists of big pants and nursing bras.

Like I said, my husband is amazing and never makes comments about the change in our sex life but I know he misses it, as do I.

I just don’t know how to get that spark back when life just feels so full of other things, like work, housework, children etc etc that there seems no room for anything else.

How do others do it??

OP posts:
Keepithidden · 20/04/2019 11:54

I don't know either, sometimes it never comes back. With two DC 10 and 7, ours hasn't and I've lost hope it will, it's been ten years now and I'm now early forties. That's maybe just what happens in some cases.

mindutopia · 20/04/2019 12:00

Honestly, I think it just takes time and childcare (for nights out and weekends away to reconnect). I would say things didn’t get easier til ours was about 2-3, but as you’ve only had a 3 year age gap, you probably never had time to feel normal again before you had another small baby (there’s 5 years between mine, so we did get about 2 years between them when things were much easier). But really it was just carving out time, a night out with a babysitter, a weekend away (hard when you don’t have family help, we don’t, we just call in favours or pay someone).

CarrotCakeEveryTime · 20/04/2019 20:34

Similar situation for us a few years ago after DS1 & DS2, so we decided on the very unromantic act of scheduling sex.

Sunday night was sex night! Felt weird at first, but we were a bit cheeky with each other all day and no one was risking being rejected. After a while we added in a Wednesday and before we knew it we were back to lovely spontaneous sex.

Problem was our birth control method of pulling out (I know 🙄) didn't cut it as we got the passion back.

DS3 is two now, and we got it back on track much quicker after him...coil this time, not a chance there will be DC4!

It's not for everyone, but worked for us.

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