No time together as a family

[Melanie1811]

Relationship for 4 years. We have a 2 year old son. We never spend time together as a family and if we do it’s my idea and it feels forced. It looks like he just “has to go along”. I always say “let’s go swimming, let’s go do picnic, let’s go park...” I’m always excited and he goes but doesn’t seem to enjoy himself. I told him to come up with something he wants to do - like watch football in the pub and lunch for me and our son.... but he doesn’t. I came up with Easter fun for us (just one day)... go to butterfly farm, and botanical garden - I was so excited and today he told me if it’s ok he stay home that he is not really into butterflies . I’m not either but wanna see your son doing something different and seeing the butterflies . I feel horrible. My sister says all man are the same and hers is like that too...but I’m feeling so terrible right now. I want some quality family time where we all enjoy ourselves . I trust him, we have sex all the time, he is a Good man otherwise. Your thoughts on that?

Not all men are like that. In fact I know of no fathers like that. I would feel very sad in your position. Can you talk to him about it, ask him to reflect on how he wants your son to remember his childhood and his family? Ask him to think of his own happy childhood memories?

He doesn’t see it as important . He grew up with father in poor family so for him food on the table and clothes and roof over his head is enough

• without father

My partner is a great dad, he takes the kids to the park makes play dates with other dad's, children center, bike rides, forest trips.... It's not normal.. sorry.

I don’t think all men are like that ,
Some absolutely but not all men, serious heart to heart on having family time needed and really tell him to take the time you guys are at the butterfly place to think about what you are going to do together as a family next time x

No this is not 'normal' you might as well be a single mum at this point.

My sbeh was the same, saw no joys going out as a family. I remember looking at other families and thinking why couldn't we be like that?

My oh now loves spending time me and my DD and he likes family life. Life is lot better now.

I couldn't be with someone like that again. Like I said before, you may as well be a single mother.

Even all the men I dislike (of which there are many ) the absolute vast majority of them love days out with their kids! Otherwise what exactly the point in having them?

Sounds like he might not be the one

There’s plenty of men sadly who grew up without fathers and in difficult financial situations...and plenty of those chose to spend time with their children, as they can remember missing that themselves. He is not choosing this...you have to decide how you want your family dynamics and talk to him.

He's missing the good bits! He probably will improve when DC is older but it's still shit.

OP sounds awful. My DF was the same, he didn’t enjoy “kids stuff” so only DM took us out. We all resented it and I always noticed my friends’ dads being out with them. Your DS will realise as he gets older.

@Melanie1811
Tell your partner that time is short and particularly precious where children are concerned.

If he's not prepared to do more than the basics "food on the table and clothes and roof over his head" he may find his son only has a distant, if that, relationship with him when older.

Surely, looking back at his own unhappy sounding childhood, he wants better for his own son?

I hope you enjoy your activities making lovely memories with your son this Easter! 🌷