DP's search history

[justwondering2019]

So this happened a week or so ago but it's clearly still playing on my mind.. want to vent and just talk about it with someone so here it goes..
but of background. Me and DP are in our 20's, I'm pregnant with our first baby, planned and very much wanted. Been with DP for 4 years.. So about a week ago My phone was being repaired so I didn't have a phone for a day. It was early hours of the morning and couldn't sleep and wanted to google something pregnancy related. My DP was fast asleep and I've always known the passcode to DP phone and he knows this, his phone was on charge next to me so I went on his phone just to use google quickly and wanted to delete the search (I do this on my phone every time without thinking anyway out of habit), when I clicked on history to delete it it Came up with his recent searches. His recent search history was searching for escorts in the local area of where we live together.. He'd been looking on an escort website but he was looking for ones in the area. Obviously I was shaking and very upset. I went all through his search on the website of what he'd been clicking on. He'd been looking at the photos of the women on the site. I looked at his call history and there was no unusual ones on there at all. Looked at everything else on his phone because obviously needed to know if anything else was going on after this discovery.. There was nothing out of the ordinary other than the search history.. I woke him up raging and confronted him straight away I was very upset and was ready to leave him because straight away thought he must be sleeping with escorts.. He said he was just looking at the photos and that it's just like looking at porn and that he was just looking out of boredom and would obviously never do anything (he's always been very loyal and this was clearly a massive shock) but what bothers me is that okay if he was just looking at photos whatever I know men do this and I don't care about that it's the fact he felt the need to be looking for escorts in the local area, why would ones in the area be necessary if you're just looking at pics of these hoes..? We talked it out after many tears, he seemed really embarrassed and i threatened to leave etc and we have been fine since but it's just on my mind a lot now.. I'm constantly feeling like I need to check his phone (I haven't) but I don't want to be like this, I've never felt like this our whole relationship because he's never looked at another woman or given me a reason not to trust him at all and I've always felt very lucky for this.. It's really bothered me and I just don't know what to think about it.. Sorry for the vent and long thread just needed to get it off my chest cause I'm too embarrassed to actually tell anyone that I know about it..

First of all, the word you're looking for is women, not 'these hoes'.

Secondly, talk to your partner. Tell him that you don't mind him looking at porn/photos but felt uneasy that he was looking at women in the local area and that goes beyond the realms of acceptable fantasy to you and brings this all smack bang in the real world. Even if there was no intention of booking an escort, the fact that these women are 'local' is over the line and now you're struggling with trust.

It makes it all worse that you're pregnant and you're probably not feeling your best and most sexy self. Are you still having sez?

Looking at porn and searching for local prozzies are clearly different things. I don't think you are overreacting.

My ex did something similar. Looking at ads of woman looking for men in the area he was working in. Said some lame excuse. It definitely ruined the trust I had in him. When there is so much other stuff that is not easily accessible in person ie only by internet, why the need to look up local ladies that would be available?!?

At the time, porn etc was not an issue. Have at it! That changed as my trust was diminished as he continued breaking it and doing other shit. I will never know if he actually met with someone else or was doing online chats with other live people when with me.

I do know he is doing it to his current long term girlfriend😠. How do I know you ask, our oldest has found it on his electronics. Conversations, an active dating profile and so much more that a 12 yr old shouldn’t be seeing. My son has lost all respect for his dad that he won’t call him dad and absolutely refuses to see or talk to him.

His porn addiction, leaving shit on iPod that the toddlers had access to, other bs associated to this was a big part of our divorce.

Address it fully now. Your trust has been broken in him. There is so much available on the net to watch, why locally available escorts?!? If he had no intention of following through. It’s not logical.

I agree with MysteryMom. I've been in a similar situation and it was awful! Completely killed my trust and my confidence/self-esteem (I'd just given birth to our daughter when I found out).

I ended up leaving.

He wasn't looking at porn though was he.
In my eyes it's completely different, porn is random people you know nothing about and you just watch/look at it.
Local girls you can actually talk to and communicate with, escorting profiles tell you about the girls, what area they're in, and what service they offer.
He wanted to look at people in the area incase he got tempted and obviously if they're local it's easier to meet.
Its very different to looking at random porn imo.

He’s window shopping but every now and then temptation could well get the better of him and he might make that call. If he’s aware of searching for escorts presumably on adultwork and refining to an area he’s probably conversant in the paid-for sex scene.

Ask him if he’s ever paid for sex with a prostitute and see if you believe him.

Thanks for your replies.. So I had another conversation with him about it tonight and asked if he's ever paid for sex and he said no obviously but almost looked hurt that I'd even think he would. I brought up the whole escort thing and he said his mates at work go on it (the website he was on) just for a laugh and that's all's there is to it and that it was just out of boredom and that he'd never actually ever contact them or do anything and that there was nothing in it, he seems really sincere when he says it and I obviously want to trust him, this is the first thing that's ever happened like this in our relationship.. But still don't understand why he would need to see the escorts in the local area..

He checked out the prostitutes who would be available to him.

Personally, I couldn’t move on from this.

I think there is a world of difference between being curious about what sex workers are around (even in the local area), to doing anything about it. He's been warned so you should move past this. If anything else crops up like this then well.., he was warned. Keep your love life up on the agenda as best as you can and good luck with everything.

Hmm, I wouldn't buy his excuses. He's lying. He's searching local escorts for a reason. Not the same as looking at porn. Sorry OP

Hi OP this must be terrible for you.
Can you access his finances to see if there are lump sums taken out.
He’s certainly been looking.
It’s not porn - it’s potentially sex with a woman he needs to pay.
You could ask him to move out while you work it out.
Have you got any real life support.
You need to confide in your family and friends if they are supportive.
🌺

He was seeing which women were available. It's not like just looking at random porn. I wouldn't stay with him if I were you. He sounds shady af

I agree with what PP’s have said. Porn off a free website with random strangers is fine but looking up local escorts...nope!
I didn’t realise looking up local escorts was something men did for banter at work. If his so called mates like to pay for sex with escorts then I would be very uncomfortable with the company he keeps!

I honestly think guys have lost the plot these days and I do wonder if so many women being tolerant of porn isn’t actually helping matters. Starts off with that and then curiosity kicks in, thing is I think many women who don’t look at it themselves actually get what the big sites are like, it’s stuffed full on the main page of ‘contact these for no strings sex’ etc with explicit pics.

Aw, he gave you the hurt look. Bless.

All our pay gets put into a joint account which we pay our bills and buy food and things, the only money that's come from the account is things I know about so I know he hasn't taken any random money out. Maybe he was just curious but trust me when I say I'll be keeping a close eye until I know I can fully trust him and trust his reasoning.. Men are very strange and his group of work friends are quite immature from the stories I've been told so I actually could imagine they look at this sort of stuff in their free time at work

Assuming he is being honest then, ask him how he thinks you are affected by it, tell him how you feel and discuss what would make it better.

Don’t buy it , sounds like a ridiculous excuse , why check out local escorts why not just look at any escort page and tbf normal porn sites have more explicit material, images of women in their underwear you could just see on Instagram these days 🙈 , I actually feel insulted on your behalf that he deems your intelligence to be that low. Get rid , your future self will thank you. There was a reason you saw this , listen and trust your gut .

He'll be using a credit card. Check those statements.