My mum is always copying me

[WhoChecksTheCheckers]

This is trivial compared to the rest of the crap on this topic, but I need to vent!

Mum and I have a good relationship on the whole. One thing that’s really starting to frustrate me is her copying me.

If me and my DP try a different restaurant, she has to take dad there. If we go for a Sunday afternoon walk on a different country route, next week she is out there with my dad.
DP came round and cooked me a particular meal, and few days later she’s made it for herself and my dad. We had a weekend away, and a few month later her and dad stayed in the EXACT hotel. Last week me and DP had lunch somewhere we wouldn’t normally go to, and I actually made a mental note that in about a week she’d report she’s been the same place, and lo and behold today she did exactly that.

Ok so she’s not copying me on everything, but a lot of stuff. And now I’ve written it down, it seems to be she copies a lot of the things I do in my relationship.

It’s not that I believe everything I do is exclusive to me or my relationship but it seems to have gone gone beyond the realms of flattery.

You're just giving her ideas... sometimes you don't think of new restaurants until someone mentions (recommends) them.

I often see friends posting on social media places they go with their kids and think ooh I must take my kids there.

You can hardly tell her to stop, if it bothers you just don't tell her where you've been

Well this sounds a bit irritating. But imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Two things you could do:
Tell her less about your activities, be more vague.
Have a bit of fun and recommend some more interesting activities. Bungee jump. Really crap restaurant. Really expensive restaurant. Caviar and truffles. Enter a soapbox Derby.

That’s a little weird but she’s not actually doing any harm is she?

Ready to say yanbu if she was copying your hairstyle or interior decorations etc but if she’s trying out places that you’ve mentioned then you are being a bit of a drama queen!
If my daughter went somewhere to eat and enjoyed it I wouldn’t think anything of trying it!

She might not have anyone else to get ideas from.
I’d rather this than she didn’t try anything new?
If it was a sort of one upper thing I’d view it differently but it seems harmless.

If you don’t like it, withhold information.

Is she bored?

YABU. I wouldn't tell my mum about my life in that much detail. If you don't want her to know, don't tell her.

Maybe book yourself in for a tattoo op.....

She values your opinion and wants to experience the activities herself. No biggie.

I could have written this post, my dm is the exact same! I usually brush it off but the thing that actually annoyed me was when dh and I booked to take ds to Butlins for his 1st birthday, and then my dm and dsf booked to stay at the same resort a month before we did! The following year we went abroad and dm wanted to go to the same resort with dsf but I said they would be the only people there without children (which is true) as it was a family zoo/waterpark resort so dsf said no.
It does get irritating so I completely understand op! There's not much you can do about it though.

It's not as though she's inviting herself along when you go to these places. Honestly, I don't see why you even care about this. It doesn't impact you at all.

My mum does this too. It’s just because she doesn’t think of these things and so when we give them the idea they jump for it. Nothing to be irritated over.

Stop telling her everything you do 🤷🏻‍♀️

My mum does this too. If I buy Christmas gifts for D, she'll buy the same for my brothers! So they look like bloody triplets in Fatface jumpers. I've bought board games in the sale to stash for cousins children, she's gone and bought the same ones and now is saying she's bought them for the same cousins!

She gets offended if I go places without her too. And then hints that she'd like me to take her.

She started tucking her jeans into her boots like me and wanting clothes I'd bought too! And god forbid I go sale shopping without her!

She's 75! I'm putting it down to her being s bit old and batty.

For DH

Its very common OP and very irritating. I put it down to a lack of imagination and an innate sene of conformity - I've two of the type in my immediate family and they're both desperately dull people....

sense...

She’s not copying you. She’s listening to recommendations you make and trying them out for herself. It means she trusts your judgement -she knows that if you enjoyed it the chances are she will too. If she starts wearing your clothes and you’re finding her at the bottom of your bed staring at you when you sleep at 2am, that’s when it gets annoying, and a bit worrying to be honest.

It’s pretty benign really? She trusts your opinion so she’s taking your recommendations.

I agree with the pp - if it was your hairstyle that would be different. But this is ideas of things to do! She probably doesn’t have that many trusted sources of suggestions.

I think it’s lovely and flattering. I’d think it was really sweet that she valued my opinion so much that she trusted that I chose nice places to go. Unless she’s trying to one-up-you or say that they were her original ideas (or there’s a drip feed coming about your relationship issues) then I really wouldn’t say it was worth worrying about.

All I can say is that she must think that you have good taste and if you like it she will too

This is totally fine. We visited my parents recently and went to dinner where they suggested. My mum has been cooking family dinner for 40 years so when I cook something nice and say it’s easy she wants the recipe.

Seriously? If you feel in competition with your Mum that’s really sad. Personally I’d think “great, I’m so glad you liked it/them/there etc Mum”

Be grateful you have parents to share things with

I can't see the problem here. She's trying out public things that anyone can do that she has a good reference for. We do lots of things in life based on other people's references.