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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not sure how to feel

14 replies

unluckyineverything · 19/04/2019 11:59

I discovered yesterday that my new boyfriends ex is also his cousin, It has made me feel a bit sick, as he is in contact with cousin all the time, I knew cousin and ex had same name it just never occurred to me that she was the same person. Would you end a relationship for this reason? Is it normal for cousins to have relationships? I have never met anyone who has admitted to sleeping with a cousin,

He doesn't know that I know, found out through fb not sure if I should end it? Ask him about it? Or possibly just accept we all have a past

OP posts:

AskEvans · 19/04/2019 12:05

I don't think i could handle it, especially if it was a first cousin

Original poster

unluckyineverything · 19/04/2019 12:25

Yes they are first cousins, they grew up together, relationship lasted around 4 years when they was both in ther 30s

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 19/04/2019 12:26

Eww no! I'd be off

Original poster

unluckyineverything · 19/04/2019 12:31

Should I tell him I know? Or just say it was fun but I don't see a future? Part of me is curious to how he would explain it

OP posts:

Rockinmomma · 19/04/2019 12:36

I feel a bit sick for you OP! Do you want to know details? I can’t say I would.
I’d just end it tbh

category12 · 19/04/2019 12:37

Well, if he was in the relationship for 4 years, I doubt he feels it needs explaining, I presume he saw nothing wrong in it. Has he actively lied to you about it?

I don't think you need to make a big song and dance about it - after all, there's nothing he's going to say about it that's going to make you think "oh that's OK then?" is there?

ConfCall · 19/04/2019 12:48

I think that’s gross tbh.

Wildrose19 · 19/04/2019 12:50

I know a married couple who are first cousins and they have children. It is accepted by all the family.

Wheresmyvagina · 19/04/2019 12:51

I wouldn't be ok with this. Judgemental - sure, but it's so gross I would go right off him

Original poster

unluckyineverything · 19/04/2019 12:51

In a way yes he has lied, he speaks about them as two separate people, never introduced her to any mutual friends, that's why I'm curious to how he would explain things but nothing he could say will ever make it ok in my head, I really am repulsed by it

OP posts:

MaverickSnoopy · 19/04/2019 12:53

How long have you actually been together OP?

I'm not sure if I could deal with that, but if he's "Mr Right" then I think I'd want to give it a go. I would figure out how you feel about it before deciding whether to ask about it.

MercyBodle · 19/04/2019 12:53

It's legal to have a relationship with a first cousin. Clearly by your reaction and the pps there is plenty of stigma around it.

Original poster

unluckyineverything · 19/04/2019 13:13

Only a few months but have known each other for the best part of 10 years, we have a few friends in common, in every other way I can't find a single fault with him, I just find a relationship with close family members odd, Especially as he kept this particular relationship away from all his friends. so he must have known people would judge

OP posts:

AskEvans · 19/04/2019 14:10

Yes of course it is legal but there is something slightly incestuous about it. The biological instinct for most humans is not to breed with close relatives for good reason.

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