My dh and I have grown so far apart. I used to adore him but I did push him out when we had dd2. Since then we've had ds and dh has just regressed back to how he was when he was a teenager - out drinking with his mates, staying up all night playing poker etc. Our dd2 was very ill last yr when ds was born and I came close to a breakdown. Dh was so horrible to me, drinking and getting abusive. It's better now but I have told him I don't want to be married to him if he still drinks. He goes out about 2-3 times a week and gets in betqween 12.30 and 2 am. He doesn't believe I will leave and tbh I don't want to, not for my sake but for our dcs esp. dd1 who adores him. I've told dh I don't want to be married to him any more but he thinks it is just me getting angry and I don't mean it. I do; my love for him is gone, totally. We lead separate lives and I don't want to be a part of the things he enjoys.
Strangely I think he means it when he says he loves me.
What can I do? How can I distance myself enough to live with a man I don't love in order to keep my family together?
If dh was like he was for the first ten yrs of our marriage then I wouldn't feel this way.