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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Niggling doubt

13 replies

ikkledudette · 18/04/2019 20:12

I have been seeing a guy for about 1.5 months. We had a brilliant first date, messages turned fairly flirty and sexual from both parties and we DTD on the second date. Since then most of our time together is at his place as I currently live with my parents whilst my marital home sells (We are both separated). We seem to have gotten into a pattern of I drive up to his, we eat, watch movies or tv and then sleep together and then I leave in the morning.

We message eachother loads and he declared feelings for me pretty early on. But I've noticed we talk a lot more via messaging than we do in person. Is this normal? I'm normally such a chatty person, but I notice I'm unusually quiet around him.

I find him attractive, but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. When we message he is very affectionate, but not so much when we're together. I am beginning to wonder whether I am a pleasant distraction more than anything.

Eventhough he is 35 and has DC, he is extremely immature. He has taken to talking dirty constantly and gropes my backside and boobs constantly. I have told him I'm not into that, but he continues to do it. I'm beginning to feel like a piece of meat.

Have you ever had it where you feel like you click, but something isn't quite right? I didn't realise how much weed he smoked either. He seems to rely on it to chill out.

OP posts:
Hassled · 18/04/2019 20:14

If you have this many (all valid) concerns 1.5 months in, then it's probably time to walk away. None of this is just going to go away or magically resolve itself. He's just not right for you.

Orange6904 · 18/04/2019 22:37

If he continues to do it when you've said don't then I would end it whilst it's still early days.

FaithInfinity · 18/04/2019 23:13

Hmm - you’re having doubts after a short time, he smokes a lot of weed, you never go anywhere together, you don’t feel like you act like yourself around him, he’s taken to groping you a lot...this one isn’t a keeper!

MsDogLady · 19/04/2019 04:57

At 1 1/2 months, you should be going out, having fun, and doing interesting things. Instead, everyday is Groundhog Day at his house.

He doesn’t show real affection when you are together, but insists on stomping on your boundaries with disrespectful groping and dirty talk. Your natural chatty personality diminishes when you are with him. He needs a copious amount weed to relax.

What exactly are you getting from this relationship?

MsDogLady · 19/04/2019 05:14

naturally

Alicewond · 19/04/2019 05:18

Messages unread if chat wouldn’t bother me as I prefer this personally. Weed and groping would make me think I could do better though

Alicewond · 19/04/2019 05:19

Instead of!

MashedSpud · 19/04/2019 05:42

He gropes you, you say don’t but he does anyway.

You barely talk in person.

He smokes weed.

You never go anywhere.

Prettyvase · 19/04/2019 05:55

His effort to get you to have sex with him is through flirty messages: that IS his courtship.

No meals out, no expenses, no effort other than telling you clearly through the groping that he sees you for sex and sex only.

You clearly want more than he does from this relationship.

Actions speak louder than words. He tells you what you want to hear to get you into bed. Nothing more, nothing less. Sorry op. Must be humiliating to come to that realisation.

Windmillwhirl · 19/04/2019 06:56

He isn't making much effort. On top of everything else I do not think I'd be putting in any ore time. The groping in particular is terrible.

category12 · 19/04/2019 07:06

I have told him I'm not into that, but he continues to do it.

Get rid of him.

He doesn't listen to no.

Lozzerbmc · 19/04/2019 07:24

He’s just not right for you

Lozzerbmc · 19/04/2019 07:26

He doesnt plan to do anything with you, you should be going places and having fun not staying in

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