Am I overthinking this? (Social Media Online function)

[Whatinthenameof1]

I know what you're all thinking... Social media and the read/online function can cause nothing but trouble/overthinking for relationships sometimes! But please hear me out!

Me and my GF (both 25) don't live together, we don't see each other too often either. We haven't had any arguments recently/nor fallen out.

We text fairly regularly throughout the day when we get the opportunity too. As I use FB on my desktop PC it's easy to see when someone is active/online with messenger. She's at work today, and has texted me a couple times on her lunch which is cool... I'm working from home. However I seem to get rather upset when i notice her active status on Facebook continuously come up every 10 minutes but she's not responded to me in a few hours.

I know it sounds petty but its really starting to gripe me. She was complaining how manic work has been today yet she can go on FB every 10 minutes but not text her own BF back?... I don't know if my expectations are too high but its making me feel pretty rubbish. I also find it even more odd as only yesterday she was saying how shes cutting down on social media and not going to use it as much...

I'd love to ask her about it but I don't know how without being a complete weirdo. I know you can't expect someone to reply every 2 seconds and I don't.. but this really is winding me up?

Any thoughts?

What are things like when you are together?

I do understand this. I also hate it when people post innane shit on Facebook such as "Had this for dinner" or "Did this survey and I am this animal" etc but can't be bothered to reply to a message sent by a real life friend. It does show you are not a priority.

However I would also second that the messenger active button can be inaccurate and it's obviously making you anxious. I would minimise it so it can't cause this anymore. To be honest I would be more concerned about the lack of reciprocal conversation. That does show lack of interest

If you go to your settings in messenger you can turn off your active status indicator. Doing this means you no longer see when other people are active.

Do this and stop obsessing, you are being creepy and controlling.

It's not 1 second to reply thought is it? It might be that work colleagues are talking to her, it could be she's grabbing a coffee, she might have something she needs to sort before she's on the clock. I get to work about half an hour before I officially start work every day. My phone goes on silent, into my bag, and then I don't see it until lunch if I'm lucky or end of the day if it's madly busy. You're imagining she's deliberately ignoring you, and it looks like you're unwilling to hear that it could be a million other reasons. Checking when she's online and then leaping to the conclusion that means she's ignoring your texts and then leaping even further to her not putting any effort into the the communication (what even is that, really?!) is the problem. Not her behaviour, which is totally normal. But I think you're past the point where you can change your thinking, because you're so convinced. So it's probably not fixable without some work on your part.

My concern is that if you raise it with her, it might look like you’ve been monitoring her.

That's exactly what he is doing!!

How’s the rest of your relationship?

How often do you meet and how much effort does she put into meeting? When she’s not at work does she frequently initiate calls and messages?

If everything else is fine then you are being silly and insecure and I’d recommend just not even having Facebook open at work if you can’t trust yourself not to check it constantly. But if even outside of this issue she’s acting a bit aloof and uninterested and it’s you carrying the relationship I’d get busy for a while focusing on my own life instead and give her chance to show you whether she’s like that because she never gets an opportunity to show interest due to you being so full on, or whether she just isn’t that fussed about you. And either way focusing on your own life will put you in a healthier frame of mind should the relationship flourish or come to an end.

The Facebook online marker just isn’t reliable at all btw. I’ve had friends message saying ‘can’t sleep?’ When I’ve said goodnight to them two hours earlier as it showed me online when I’ve been fast asleep the past couple of hours. It’s notoriously unreliable.

ffs shut down fb and just do your work.

Like others said, that online status is in no way reliable at all.

I have a policy for family, friends to never contact me at work unless it is an emergency as in the house is burning or someone is dying. I suggest doing the same and you'll be getting a lot of work done and you'll stop obsessing about your gf.

Her priority at work isn't you. It's the job she's being paid to do.
Stop being so insecure and leave her alone while she's at work and just do your job.

She knows the it’s not just replying to one message though, doesn’t she? - she just doesn’t want to engage in the constant paranoid back and forth.

Have you posted about this before (multiple times)? Or something similar. A chap of a similar age also long distance has been posting asking essentially the same question (text/message response themed) for a few months. Think the girlfriend lives in Scotland.

If it is you. THIS IS NOT WORKING. You are not well suited to a LDR.

Shut down Facebook and get on with your day.

*Women are warned to watch out for the 'red flags' in new relationships on here all the time.

Obsessively checking her online status
Expecting immediate responses to texts
Wanting to be her top priority

Would all be red flags to needy and obsessive behaviour.*

This.

I have just been discarded by a shy narcissist and this is one of the first signs that he had this personality disorder.

If I was speaking to your girlfriend, I'd advise her to run.

If you obsess over her online status and have to use social media platforms for work, remove your online connections.

Or are you the bloke who had a phone conversation with your girlfriend and then rambled on after wrapping up followed by a text saying sorry for rambling on, and then a post on MN about her closed reply?

Or could all be same person

Or a coincidence.

That was in reference to the post about Scottish girlfriend

Your sense of entitlement is really scary.

You don't seem cut out for a long distance relationship. Has it always been so? Did you meet online?