Friendship and what to do?

[AIBUorNOTBU]

Have been posting a long time but name changed as I don't want my other posts along with this outing me.

I have a fairly new friend. He isn't a close friend and we meet up occasionally to catch up, rarely chat online, rarely call each other and have a sort of shared interest. There is nothing other than a platonic relationship and it wouldn't ever develop into one either.

He told me that English women can't complain about being raped because they dress so provocatively. I challenged him and his reasoning is that men get aroused because of the flesh they see and they can't be blamed for wanting sex. He said women bring it on themselves because when a man sees them they look like prostitutes. I've chatted with my daughter and one sons about this as I'm not very good at friendships (history of bad decisions and being betrayed by 'trusted friends' and men. I have very deep held views about rape, due to my childhood, so I am not sure if I am overreacting by not wanting this man in my house... But then I also think about the positive things he has brought into my life and my lack of confidence with friendships rears up again.

Unsure how relevant this is; he is in his 30s, seems religious and from a western European country.

How would you handle this? Want to also say, with my lack of confidence I'm not sure how well I'll be able to participate in the responses but will do my best to answer questions that may help me decide what to do. I feel anxious even posting this please try to be kind.

He sounds disgusting.

His views are abhorrent.

What a disgusting human being. I don't think women are safe around him tbh.

Vile man. Why would you even bother to have anything to do with him, let alone make a friend of him? Seriously look at how you view people and their strong opinions and re-assess your boundaries because you really shouldn't have to ask if he is out of order or not.
Have nothing to do with him.

It's a no from me too. Fuck him and his rampant misogyny. No-one needs a friend like that.

He told me that English women can't complain about being raped because they dress so provocatively. I challenged him and his reasoning is that men get aroused because of the flesh they see and they can't be blamed for wanting sex
I would not want anything, including even a platonic relationship, with anyone who holds these disgusting views.

something else he said, that was he could tell I wouldn't enjoy sex because of how I looked and dressed. I guess I subconsciously felt safe because I am definitely not attractive.
What the Hell???!!

I hope he's never been in your home, nor near your daughter, OP.

No explanations necessary - just block and move on.

Block, block, block.

The thing is, even if you try to see it from his viewpoint, 'men can't be blamed for wanting sex'- wanting it isn't the same as taking it by force.

As it's currently Easter weekend, I can't be blamed for wanting chocolate....but I'm not going to beat you up and take yours, am I?

I wouldn't be friends with him anymore

Ugh! I would leave immediately he had finished a sentence with that content.
I used to have to sit and listen to stuff like this every Christmas and Easter from my SIL's father who has now died. He used to come out with some absolute corkers but I had no choice but to just stare fixedly ahead because I love my SIL. I have a much lower BS threshold nowadays though.

He’s saying that if you ever dressed slightly provocatively he wouldn’t think it was a bad thing to rape you

cafesociety asked Why would you even bother to have anything to do with him, let alone make a friend of him?

because until he said this a week ago I had no idea of his views.

Your next bit made me feel even worse about myself Seriously look at how you view people and their strong opinions and re-assess your boundaries because you really shouldn't have to ask if he is out of order or not.
Have nothing to do with him I know I have problems making friendships and working out what is actually OK and what is a misconception due to my child/terms and marriage. I hovered over the post button many times before pressing it because I wasn't sure I was up to the responses. I'm always genuinely happy to learn that other women don't have these sort of questions because it means they [probably] haven't been in a position where sexual abuse was seen as ok.

I haven't read all the responses yet, but the first few told me what I needed to know, and for that I am very grateful.

Sorry, the bold in the 2ne half of that message didn't work.

He has been to my house twice but he won't be coming again.

I have blocked his phone number, set emails to go straight to the binned folder and blocked him on WhatsApp.

It makes me feel incredibly stupid realising I shouldn't even have to ask this question. But I feel even more shit that I was starting to feel OK with a new friendship only to end up finding out he has such awful views. It feels like bad men on replay in my life. Thankfully I wasn't looking for a partner and had made that exceptionally clear.

For reassurance, my daughter is an adult, and a very wise caring one too. She hasn't met him.

Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it.

Well done OP. You've done the right thing. This man is not your friend not a friend of any woman, he clearly thinks they are just sex objects not human beings. Hes not someone you want in your life let alone your house!

Well done OP. Sometimes we get drawn into friendships or acquaintances and it takes a while before the unconscious mind starts asking questions. Not everyone would have taken Well done OP. Sometimes we get drawn into friendships or acquaintances and it takes a while before the unconscious mind starts asking questions.

Not everyone would have taken such prompt and decisive action. Not every everyone/every man will be like this in the future either. 🌹

He does not respect you. Don't end up alone with him he is an entitled dick head.