How, and with what safeguards did your introduce a partner to your daughters?

[QuickQuestion2019]

Name changed as I prefer to be anonymous for this question, been on here forever- naice ham, Korean lady etc.

I'm wondering what others consider reasonable and sensible. I have primary aged daughters and introduced my (male) partner to them after 6 months. My eldest DD had asked to meet him and set the boundaries for doing so e.g there was a particular activity she wanted us all to do. After a few meetings DD's said DP could stay over (I am a completely lone parent so they do not go to Dad's ever). He has been given house rules about always wearing PJs etc. He never ever come upstairs whilst I am doing bedtimes/bath. He never enters their room.

He now has an excellent relationship with them. They are naturally extremely cuddly with him due to not having their own father. My eldest has asked for him to take her out 121 and they have done this. I still watch them all together very carefully and regularly ask the kids how they feel about him. I explicitly ask if they feel safe and happy around him. I remind them constantly about personal boundaries etc. It helps me feel better that DP has worked with children his whole career and is obviously DBS checked etc.

I think my behaviour has been sensible and realistic. This evening I heard a contrasting tale of a relative of a friend whose new boyfriend is living with her and primary aged daughter after only 6 weeks and he is putting her to bed and asking to help look after her round school hours etc. I found this is extremely shocking.

So I'm really just wondering where everyone else is on this spectrum? I think I am the correct amount of cautious. I know some on Mumsnet day never to have a partner in the house etc but that's not the reality for most people.

Thanks for any views

I didn’t introduce my DP to my kids for a year, and that felt about right. There were no ground rules as such, but he’s very modest and respectful himself and cognaisant of the need to be appropriate. When they were younger, for example, we’d go swimming and I’d change with the kids in family changing but he’d go and get changed in the men’s changing room. He has three boys of his own so knows how to behave around kids, and has been great with my own DS. What is lovely though, is watching him with my DD who loves him very much. He’s kind of taken on the role of favourite uncle with her and she has him (and his son’s) wrapped round her little finger. My mum asked him what it was like having a little (not so little now) girl in his family and he replied that it was completely different from raising boys and he was glad he’d got the opportunity to become part of her family.

The only thing you haven't mentioned is talking about never having secrets from mum and talking about the pants rule.
Oh and the ability to say no to physical contact, be that tickling or kissing.

I think 6 months is about right. I did a year & tbh it was too long. I’d probably do 6 months next time. Also, second the pants rule.

Think you have handled it really well. Simply because your children remained your priority. Good for you.

I appreciate the need to be careful, but watching someone like a hawk, checking with the children sounds grim for everyone.

No Northernparent68 its being responsible and remembering your children are your first priority.

I've been dating a while but not met anyone I want to introduce my dds to. I think the way you've done it sounds good.

I'm very cautious, to the point I probably wont ever have a proper relationship.

Quiet thread. Thought I'd get loads of views/stories!

You haven't asked for advice just validation from like minded posters. You come over as smug and self satisfied.

Tbh I think it's odd that you feel the need to set 'house rules' around things like this.

I'm not really sure. I guess you know him and you must have a good feeling about him and the relationship to be taking those steps. You can never be 100% sure about anyone but if your instincts tell you he's decent, hopefully they're correct. I'm not sure the DBS check/ working with children thing tells you much, sadly, so maybe don't put undue weight on that one.