Is my boyfriend gay.

[Hollyxxxx]

Me and OH have a 1 year old child together. We’ve been together two years and he’s never been that interested in sex. We’ve not had sex for months and months now. I looked on his Instagram and he is always searching male fitness and strong men. Then I noticed he had searched an actor of a soap opera that I had on the other day. He doesn’t watch the programme himself so he would have had to listen for his name, google the actors real name and then go onto his Instagram. The actor is really good looking and quite tall and stocky.

I confronted him about it and he firstly said he searched him because his accent is where OH comes from (it’s not anything like it at all) so I said no he’s got a London accent so why are you lying? Then he said it’s because he looked like a “big lad” and wanted to see how he got in shape.

We had a massive argument and now I feel sick. I might be over thinking but I feel like there’s something in this.

It could be that he just admires then and wants to be like them, the same way some women follow women on Instagram and google them etc. But if your gut is telling you something perhaps you need to ask him outright. Not in an accusatory way perhaps just like ' do you ever find men attractive?'

I've been married 7yrs, husband is interested in male fitness (he runs) and also watches YouTube vids/searches insta for style ideas, hair, grooming etc. He's fashion conscious and likes to look and feel good, it's never lead me to question his sexuality though. To me it would be more unusual if he followed female fitness/female influencers?

Sounds like he's using these men as inspiration more than a homosexual fantasy. I follow lots of fitness women and fashion accounts on Instagram because I like how they look and often dream about being able to be that stylish/good looking. I'm heterosexual. I would just like to look like them.

If it was for fitness inspiration he would have just said that, not lied about the accent. It does sound strange.

You need to talk about his lack of sex drive and how you can make your relationship work better.

I know quite a few people whose husbands have become obsessed recently with a sport/fitness/cycling and getting the body look right (they aren't gay). However, my female friends have complained that their husbands obsessions have cut into family time badly and affected sex drive badly as they are up early to train and exhausted after long cycling/training sessions at the weekend.

However, if your DP has never been that interested in sex you need to explore why and think about if you can live with that long term.

Non of this comes across as being signs he is gay.

I follow loads of women on Instagram.

If the lack of sex is a problem for you, you need to tackle that but Instagram stallikg him and coming up with 'he must be gay because he follow men', isnt really going to be helpful.

There is another thread on this board about partners being gay. Have a look and see if anything on there rings true.

There's a lot more pressure on men to look good these days, you can really see if filtering down. So it doesn't surprise me that a man would be looking at fitness models/actors etc.

A friend married a guy who is gay and can't admit it, I don't think people have this kind of hunch without something behind it and I would say listen to your gut and approach him again. He will only open up if he feels you will support him and not force him to come out...and allow him to see your child. If you are correct and things just stretch on, it will be very tough for you both. You will feel unattractive and he will continue to hate his true self. That has been extremely hard for my friend and is still unresolved and still causing pain...she has a lover (understandable but it sucks for the lover's wife) and he drinks too much and is a miserable shouty dad.

Whether he can face up to his truth is secondary to you facing up to yours. Does the relationship work for you or are you just trying to convince yourself it does.

You are snooping on his search history, getting upset and then confronting him. This is pointless. If you want a full relationship that involves mutually pleasurable sex, then you should be able to talk no matter how uncomfortable. That you aren’t and can’t is telling.