Communication/Trust/Exes in Relationships

[sunshiney78]

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. Bf of a year just mentioned in passing that he went to A&E 10 days ago to help his ex gf (ended 4yrs ago) & they’ve been in touch by phone over the past few days with updates on how she’s feeling. (Bf & I are on holiday atm).

We give each other a lot of space & it never occurred to me to ask who he’s seeing when he goes out/who he’s texting etc. Upon me questioning now, he went to dinner with her and a few other ex colleagues a few months ago which he also didn’t see any reason to mention.

Upon questioning again he says they speak about once every 3 months or so. I’m just a bit taken aback because I don’t know what else he “doesn’t see the need to mention”. He seems genuinely baffled about me being upset. I feel like a naive mug atm.

I think the fact he didnt tell you speaks volumes about him knowing its wrong! How did A&E come about? Did she ask or he offer? Has she moved on or not? I can understand if there is a shared social circle there may be a dinner, but (assuming there are no kids) there are no ties between them and I dont think its unreasonable for them not to have individual contact.

If your issue is more that he hid this (I am a 100% honesty person) then I think you need to look at whether you want to be with someone like that. And he may be genuinely baffled but thats no excuse for not caring how you feel.

It’s odd that he wouldn’t mention an A&E trip at the time, regardless of who it was with. I don’t think you’re a naive mug, I think it’s peculiar he’s kept this from you. You say you give each other a lot of space, is it a relationship you see as going somewhere? Do you see a future with him?

It seems like they're still good friends and intend to stay that way.

If you don't like it and you wouldn't be the only one who didnt... I wouldn't like it myself, then you need to think about whether you want this as part of your life/relationship going forwards.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it, but would also not cite it as the reason I chose to end the relationship, but I personally would end the relationship, because his close friendship with the Ex isn't compatible with my way.