Help

[hurtmomma]

I'm loosing it. I really am.

My husband cheated on me after 13years and 3 children's. I've found it hard to come to terms with. We've been working on it. I love him, god I love him so much.

He told me he loves me, then he thinks he loves her, then he loves me, and for the past 6 months we've been working on us and being happy.

Don't get me wrong there have been moments and arguements but generally we've been fighting for each other.

Anyhow randomly this morning he tells me he's going to see a councillor. Apparently he has been feeling not connected to me and not sure on the relationship for a while. Which is news to me because he has been all over me.

I'm ashamed, I am, I followed him tonight! Yes, scream pysco. I am, I'm a pysco, I'm a mess. Who am I? What have I become. Everything I've ever thought in life isn't true, we have no one really but ourselves. What the hell am I doing???????

Why is no one replying 😢😢😢

I'm a mess

Where are you following him to?

It sounds like you want the marriage more than he does unfortunately.

I'm sorry about your situation, but his flip flopping is hurtful to you, on top of the actual cheating.

Did you ever give the impression his cheating was a dealbreaker and you might end things?

When you followed him did he go where he said?

Do you think he's still seeing her?

To understand more...was he caught? Was it a long affair?

I am so sorry your husband cheated, and your an amazing person to be able to have originally let go of the hurt and to forgive his behaviour.

Cheating may have been a side effect of not feeling connected, and I appreciate you have been working through things.

Perhaps him telling you is progress , and a sign he isn’t cheating this time ( I know you are going to think that as he has done it before ) and that you suggest couples councilling?

It’s not fair for him to blow hot and cold with you though.

And he needs to 100% work on his communication with you.

You can not do this on your own.

It’s a tough one your marriage is at a cross roads, emotionally you must be on such a roller coaster x x

Have you got a friend you can go see , drink wine eat Chinese and get it all out with? X x

Where did he go?? Totally not on the flip flopping

Oh OP you sound fat too good for him.

Ok calm down. You are not crazy. You were cheated on, betrayed. That makes us feel like we don't know who we are, what we know, who we can believe.. we doubt everything - especially ourselves!
I have been there OP.
What happened when you followed him? Have you checked his phone (not advising, just asking!)
If you can not recover the trust then you can't recover the relationship. And it doesn't sound like you can or should trust him. Don't make yourself ill. You can be strong alone.

I followed him to 'said' counselling. He was actually there, I even knocked on because it was a random house

I'm mortified, I'm so ashamed at doing it but I don't know where I am anymore.

I love him so much, it hurts, he's been out in the past since the affair and I've trusted him and let him be. But because he dropped this on me this morning, I got so paranoid and followed him.

Sandyy2k

Yes I did catch him but seeing a message on his phone originally.

He told me the truth, then spent the next day with her and then came back to me. Since then to my knowledge there has been no contact x

OP - are you seeing a couples counsellor as well?
It can’t hurt. You do seem to be in a very bad place and I am not sure if ‘working on it’ on your own would work.

Did you ever tell him to leave, even temporarily, so that he would experience a consequence and learn how it feels to lose you? If not, then he will think he has a green light to keep cheating. Make a stand and assert your self-respect. Get him out and tell him that YOU need time and space to think.

‘Knocked on’? Manchester?

Right, love, ditch this fuckin loser before your mind does one for good.

He’s had six months since you found out and he’s been playing you - he loves you/loves her does he? Bollocks to him. Take your life back.

Do not waste your time on ‘couples counselling’. Look at it this way - if you get your life sorted, for you and the kids, if he still wants to be part of that, he can crawl on his fucking belly, beg you, and spend the rest of his life making it up to you. On your terms.

Don’t be misled by his being ‘all over you’. They love it when a wronged wife still has sex with them. Feel like conquering bloody heroes. Bastards.

Come on now. You’ve tried ‘working on it’ and it’s making you feel mental. Try the path of self-respect now. Send him to his mum’s, park the kids with a neighbour and have a night out with the girls. Then start living the life that lets you be calm, secure, happy.

Good luck. You’ll be fine.

So he's been to a councillor because he does still have feelings for her (nearly a year on) and he thinks these feelings are preventing him from making an effort with me.

He's come back and said it's me he wants but he does still have feelings for her. He doesn't want to be with her but he does still have feelings for her.

And I have to accept that if I want the marriage to work. How the hell am I suppose to accept my husband and partner of 13 years has feelings for someone else. Someone might I add that is nothing compared to me.

How the hell am I suppose to accept my husband and partner of 13 years has feelings for someone else.

You're not supposed to OP. Set yourself free from this crap. Be as strong as you possibly can, reclaim your life. He isn't worth it and you don't want this...
Find someone who adores you!! Even if that person is you.