Don't how how to deal with it- OTT?

[mamapart]

As I start every post I have to say me and my boyfriend have been on and off for our nearly 4 years together because it has to do with everything. he left us last time for in and off 5 months and was with someone else for a few months, we're now back together after a rough start and I just don't feel the same. I love him and want to be with him but he knows and I know for sure I just don't love him like a used to. And he keeps telling me " if u don't love me and wanna be with me tell me straight away so I can go" which annoys me some much. But just lately everything had been better until really recently.My depression is getting really bad and I slept quite a bit yesterday during the day whilst my child was napping because of the depression and then couldn't sleep at night. I went on the phone to my friends that night which woke him. I apologised, he went in the other room so I said go back to bed I'll go on the sofa, I then didn't sleep till 6, (he has to go to his parents every morning where his stuff still is and get his stuff ready for work.-he's moving in officially next week) but instead of just staying for the time he could to sort our problem this morning because he was pissed of about last night he goes home without telling me and we have a massive argument on the phone. My problem is whenever he has a problem he just walks out, when we're arguing he walks out, when he's annoyed he walks out and where he's left us so many times I struggle whenever he leaves. And I just don't know how to deal with it? Has anyone been through something like this? Any advice or am I being over the top?

If you don't love him the same and your having petty arguments then why do you think him moving in is the best idea? Why don't you just try dating with the odd sleepover to see if it is actually worth giving it another go.

He's not querying your 'love', what he's saying is 'are you prepared to treat me like a god, do everything I say and put me first? Because if you won't I'll fuck off again until you're so desperate that you will'.

How do you think your dc feels about this revolving door relationship? Are you showing them an example of stability? Of mutual respect and support? Or how to be so desperate for a relationship with this man that you'll put up with any old crap because of some romantic idea of love?

You deal with it by not moving him back in.
You deal with it by ending this properly.
This back and forth is no good at all for your mental health.
You never know where you stand.
You never know when he might leave again.
Take that power away from him.
Be independent and don't allow yourself to be treated like this.
It will never improve.
NEVER!!!
Stop putting yourself through this.
Allow yourself the freedom to move on.

Cut your losses OP. This is the best your relationship is going to get. It's making you ill.
Get rid of him once and for all. It will hurt a damn sight less than what you are going through now.
Get rid now.

This relationship sounds miserable and I don't know what you're getting out of it, apart from risking your mental health.

My depression is getting really bad

Are you receiving any help from your GP?

Please put yourself first. Your boyfriend sounds like a useless man child who stamps his foot and sulks when he doesn't get his own way.

He keeps leaving you for other women. Why on earth do you take him back?

For God's sake finish it now and don't let him move in or you''ll never get him out.

I think you need separate your relationship with him as your dc’s dad and your boyfriend in your head because surely he does (or needs to) his practical bits for your dc if your not together.

Also you need to prioritise your mental health and looking after yourself. Him saying things like “if you loved me” is toxic and you need to find the self worth to tell him not to talk to you like that.

It sounds like you need to talk to each openly about how you want life to be because being together or not your still apart of each other’s lives.

The thing is I doubt my self S O O much honestly, I'm never sure if I'm being over the top with things? And you know I'm just as bad as him sometimes, I often think are relationships just like this? Or just ours? I can't imagine being without him, I've planned a whole life with him that I still want to happen and when things like this aren't happening he is amazing! He's caring and affectionate and all. I just feel as well that we've put so much into it to make it work. And our family's have gone through it as well as our child. I don't see a lot of my family only my Nan really and I don't have many friends either. He's my only support system.

That is the problem mamapart. You have built a life around him or rather who you think he is.
He is nice to you when it suits him. Probably when he wants 'home comforts'.
I have no idea if you are OTT, but he sounds like an arsehole who you'd be better off without.

Honestly, YOU need to put an end to this. He SAYS he loves you, but he doesn’t. If he loved you he wouldn’t ACT like this.

We say ‘but I LOVE him’ - it means a lot of things, but it’s not proper love. You deserve SO much more.

I know you have mentally built up a picture of your future with him, but honestly, that’s all it is, a mental picture.

He’s clearly not all bad or you wouldn’t keep getting back together.

But he’s not the man to try building your future with, he’s really not. He’ll keep running away every time you disagree, so you’ll stop disagreeing with him, your depression will take over, your life will be unhappy and you’ll modelling that to your dc(s).

It’s time to pull up your big girl pants, tell him it’s over for good and mean it. Don’t take him back, don’t be his booty call either.

You CAN do this and you’ll be amazed at how much happier you are once you’ve actually done it and are not just waiting to get back together.

The fear of being without him is paralysing. I honestly couldn't do it without him.

Make sure you have hobbies and other interests. Try things you would not try (dance class). Build your confidence and self esteem, it’s not healthy to rely on someone so much and the boundary of how he will treat you and what you deem acceptable will move

I honestly couldn't do it without him.

Bollocks my love. Of course you can. You did it for 5 months while he fucked off with someone else.

it's time for YOU to shine, instead of being dragged down trying to live your life to suit him. It does sound as if you've had the stuffing kicked out of you, and this is down to him and how he treats you!

Please realise that you will be better off without him.

I always feel it's just me being over the top and me and him are meant to be together. Like today, things haven’t been good here there’s this job my other half can have that’s more money but it’s literally 10am-8pm every week for 5 days and obviously I’ll be left here with baby and dog by myself and I said it’s too much atm but he’s going for it anyway and I just found out his mum said I couldn’t go to stay at there place in another country for the holiday he's going on even tho she’ll only be there half of it, and he only just told me That he has Spare money but “will see” if he’s gonna spend it on family days, and just got mad and shouted and me and said it’s a discussion for meal times like the weekend but Baby will be here and he brought it up , sooooo am I wrong urghhhhhhhh??? ( he has been at work since 5 with only a little break and had to work tomorrow so all he really wanted to do was have a bath and chill because he was shattered and aching so I get that but he started the conversation on a phone call to me on the way home. He said he doesn't like "this person I am" but it's just me being honest and sticking up for myself isn't it?

4 years invested and still no clarity. Split up. You'll be less depressed very quickly, after the initial fall out.

Don't you want more from a relationship than this? Why have you not broken up already - what's stopping you?

He's not a team player and he's not on your team.

Things are good between you when it suits him, and when it doesn't, he treats you like crap.

Your depression is probably rooted in being treated like this. Do yourself, your mental health and your dc a favour and end this shitty relationship.

You can and have done it alone, and life won't always be like this. On the other side of the pain of a split, would be a shiny future, maybe with someone else who treats you properly. Otherwise, do what you've always done and you'll get what you always get.

Tbh, I feel like I'm incredibly horrible to him. As we've gotten to this point, everything he does bothers me so much and I moan at him, the way he eats and the things he says and the way he acts sometimes but other times I'm fine. I'm always moaning at him and the whole work thing moaning I'm gonna he on my own but he's at work all that time .

I'm struggling to see why you think you're meant to be together .

There is no such thing as 'meant' to be together outside Hollywood romcoms. People work as a partnership or they don't. Fate isn't involved. There is no 'the one'! You're allowing a romantic notion to blind you to the fact this relationship does not work. He's said he doesn't like you, and you don't seem to like him either. A romantic notion of love isn't enough....... there has to be respect, support, shared goals, empathy, compromise and a whole lot of like as well. You shouldn't have to stick up for yourself in a relationship because your partner should not be putting you a situation where you need to.

All you seem to have is a fear of being without him. Which is strange because he doesn't seem to be bringing anything positive to your life.

The reason you are ‘horrible’ to him are because he’s being a manipulative, selfish, stupid wanker & you’re simply trying to get him to be half decent. Which he don’t ever be

The fear of being without him is paralysing. I honestly couldn't do it without him

Of course you bloody well can. It’ll be a damn sight easier without him.

@IncrediblySadToo
I don't see it as us being horrible to eachother, it's become a norm that I hate

Being horrible to each other has become the norm?

@category12
It feels that way. I don't see it as us being horrible most of the time. I think we've built this relationship together but it's become so toxic, everyone can see but us