Struggling after online affair

[Davidgrohl]

Been with my oh nearly 3 years last summer found he was having an online relationship with his best friend.... made me out to be mad of thinking anything into there friendship....they never met I didn't forgive him but gave him another chance but I'm still hurting.he know keeps his phone open without a pin code and tells me everything but I'm finding it so hard to not throw digs at him constantly.

Where does the "best friend" thing come into it if they never met?

Have you got kids?

Eh?

Jumbo the OP is quite clear. Why the "eh?"

I'm finding it so hard to not throw digs at him constantly.

After 3 years, with him leaving his phone open for you to check, you're going to have to let go of this if you want your relationship to survive.

Have you considered counselling, together or separately?

I’d leave anyone who has a “best friend” that they’d never met.....

Okkkaaaayyy

What did the texts say? Shagging you off? Sharing photos etc?

Oops that was slagging you off

Apologies, your post makes a lot more sense to me now it’s not the middle of the night.

Must stop browsing Mumsnet when stupidly tired.

OP, I’m guessing it was an emotional affair given they didn’t meet?

He's never met his 'best friend'?
That's very weird.
Sometimes you just can't get over these things.
You try but the damage has been done.
Do you want to be feeling like this for years to come?
Really think about YOUR future here.
What do YOU want. And you can't turn back time.

Sorry for late reply.he has met her as they hung around with a group together which included her boyfriend too and yes this has been confirmed and nothing happened.they were sexting but not arranging to meet

Sexting is cheating. He was having a mutual sexual experience with another woman.

I agree and I know people will say dump him but I made the decision to not forgive him it's not forgotten but to try and get a future back.

he...made me out to be mad...

It would be difficult to move past this gaslighting. He was treating you with contempt. Have you had counseling?

Give yourself a mental timeline. If you still feel like this by then, you need to evaluate whether this is how you're prepared to live.

Affairs lead to loss of trust and no matter how hard you try, it doesn't always come back.

I'll bet her boyfriend doesn't know about the affair does he?

If you don't want to forgive or forget then you do need to end the relationship. You're just going to make yourself miserable by staying.

I debated telling her bf but at the time I thought it might push them together and wanted to hurt them both and not let them have the happy ever after.if that makes sense.she knows I know btw n she's running scared.hes so sorry and constantly tells me how sorry he is when I bring it up. I want to move on but it's the struggle all the time of my own bitterness.

Has he cut contact with this ‘best friend’?
Surely so. If he is still in contact, I would not be able to move on.

Move on, your not happy and the lack of trust is going to destroy you. You haven't won the prize and I would bin a man who did that to me